tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52013525717338126372024-02-19T05:09:35.378-06:00Follow My WhimsyJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.comBlogger149125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-82836033154202760012013-02-23T11:14:00.000-06:002013-02-23T11:14:31.695-06:00Shell ShockedSo much has happened there is no way to begin to cover it here. So I think I will just start in the middle.<br />
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A close friend has moved away. Well, not really moved away, but her daughter has changed gyms and the majority of our relationship was based on gymnastics comradery. Through a series of very dramatic and traumatic events (which could fill several posts) their family decided it was best for them to leave our gym. I support their decision. I think in the long run it might be better for their daughter and their whole family. It was a good decision for them, but... I will miss them.<br />
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You see when we started on this crazy journey there were eight families. At that time, we were virtual strangers who joined the army. During that first year, as we finished basic training and entered the war zone that is competition season, we bonded in the way that combat bonds soldiers together. At the end of that first year eight families turned into six and then five. The loss was especially painful for Bear since her closest friends left one by one. It took her a year to recover; I sometimes wonder if, like the loss of one's first love, she will ever be fully healed. Another year came and went. During which the five became thirteen. New bonds were formed. In some cases these new bonds were more stable because they were based on more concrete things, but as in all things, the closeness to those who witnessed the beginning with us was something special.<br />
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It was special enough to convince us to embark on an even crazier mission last summer. With no guarantee of anything we ventured out away from the sure thing of the gym we had known from the beginning, to be vagabonds. Our coach was opening a gym, but it wouldn't be ready for quite a while. The only comfort we had was the companionship of our comrades. At the time, even though it was scary, the choice was a no brainer. Our loyalty was never to the gym Bear practiced at, but to the people who she practiced with. Her teammates and her coaches were what made the fierce sport of gymnastics bearable. And so the past year has gone. We have been nomads for nine months, moving from place to place without a place to truly call home. It has been at times frightening, maddening and exhausting, but we have tried to see it as an adventure. Still, the stress of being unsettled took its toll on everyone. Stress fractures began forming and recently one crack turned into a chasm. The result of this was one family, one of our best friends, deciding to abandon the nomadic lifestyle for the security of a place to hang their hat.<br />
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Like I said, I understand and support that decision. However, it is hard to believe that another of our original members is gone. The original eight wide eyed little girls who began this sport just three years ago is down to three. Each time one slipped out she left a hole in my own little girl. Bear still says, from time to time, "It seems like Hannah, Abby, and everyone should still be on our team." And I know how she feels. I never expected gymnastics to become the part of our life that it has, but like I said at times it feels like a war zone and my fellow soldiers are the only thing keeping me alive. And so now I feel the need to mourn a fallen comrade.<br />
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A few nights ago we got to see what will ultimately be our home. I have no doubt it will be an amazing place - everything we dreamed from the beginning. But as I stood there looking at it surrounded by a myriad of new enlistees I became sad thinking of all the people we lost on the journey. The joy and excitement was tainted by the heartache of our most recent loss. As I looked around at the new faces I could not help but think, "And then there were three."<br />
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Three families who share the same creation story. Three gymnasts who have been together since they learned to hang from the bar. Three... out of eight... Those are crappy odds. especially when you consider that it's only been three years. We have lost nearly 2 per year. It begs the question... who is next?<br />
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Of course, there are many new faces. We left the last gym with ten girls. We picked up a few here and there, but over the past month our size has nearly doubled. These are not new recruits either. It's almost like we are combining with another platoon. These new families aren't fresh faced, but bear their own battle wounds. I'm sure some day we will share our war stories, but for now we just have to learn to view each other without distrust. We need to see the newbies as fellow soldiers and remember that we are all on the same side. <br />
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But just for today I need to observe a few moments of silent grief for those who did not make it this far...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-47259605759566441462012-06-13T10:16:00.000-05:002012-06-13T10:16:29.840-05:00I miss being young. There I said it. I know that isn't very PC of me. I know that embracing every age is the zen thing to do. Recognizing that the experience I have as an almost 40 year old is something I wish my 25 year old self had is the right thing to say. Except that I don't buy all of that.
I got married very young. 22 years old seems like a lifetime ago, and a combination of luck and perseverance have led me to enjoy a gat marriage to a great guy. It's hard to believe that a person that young would be fortunate enough to have found and chosen the right person to spend tis or her life with, but I was that fortunate. Luckily, since we were so young we waited to have kids, and so although I have always wanted kids, I was able to experience my 20s without the responsibility of them. The freedom was something I totally took for granted.
I am on vacation in Las Vegas right now, and as I sit here people watching I see 25 year olds everywhere. Some are here to party, and their carefree attitude is fun to watch, but the ones I am secretly jealous of are the ones here for some type of conference. I see them walking around with diligence and purpose. I am reminded of a conference I attended in my mid 20s. I was so eager and willing to accept the expertise of the speakers. Being on my own was new and exciting and a bit scary. I felt important and grown up. I remember enjoying the idea of actually being a grown up as opposed to feeling burdened by it. I miss that feeling...
And so this vacation (an early 40th birthday present from my wonderful husband) has been spent trying to reconnect with that 25 year old in me. The one who is independent and adventurous. The one who doesn't spend at least an hour of every day with her calendar and schedule. The person who doesn't expect herself to already have all the answers. Have I found her? Well, yes for the time being she is with me, but the true test is if I can keep that spirit alive when I get back home. Back to the world where I don't feel like I am pretending to be grownup because there is no doubt that I am. Back to life where I feel the need to take care of not only my kids, but my parents and even some of my friends because that is the role I have chosen for myself. And that is the real point isn't it. My 25 year old self led me to choose that role. The girl who was so enthusiastic about being a grown up needs to remember that her responsibilities represent choices she has made and continues to make. That realization might just give her the feeling of freedom she has been missing.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-49224785954655046442012-06-07T09:56:00.001-05:002012-06-07T09:56:38.722-05:00Another Lengthy UpdateSo, it's been a LONG time since I blogged here. Believe it or not I have started to blog many times in the past two months, but each time, for some reason, I never quite made it through to publishing it. I was talking to a friend yesterday about Bear, and I mentioned how whenever she makes a mistake she can't just erase it and go on. Rather she has to start the entire page over because she hates the eraser marks. I think that is part of my problem on this blog. When I begin and then re read what I have written, it is never good enough. So I start again and again without ever actually producing anything.<br />
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Anyway, TONS has happened since I last blogged. <br />
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First, all my complaints about the gym only got worse. It was bought by some people who own several other gyms. They made it clear through all their actions that they were in it as a business venture. Of course it is a business, but part of the reason we were there is that it is a small gym with a family type feeling. Bear's favorite coach has been trying to open a gym herself, and this was just the motivation she needed. When the new owners got wind of it they fired her. Of course this makes total sense, but they did it over the phone and did not let her come back to say good bye to the kids. For me that was the final straw. If we had any question about staying at that gym or leaving, their behavior made it an easy decision. Pretty much the whole team felt the same, but of course there was some drama about when we would leave which I won't go into. Bottom line is we are all out now, and the girls are practicing at a temporary gym with the favorite coach. Her gym is slated to open July 2nd, but I would be <strike>shocked </strike>surprised if that actually happened.<br />
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Curly's dance season went pretty much as expected. She enjoyed it, but I am not sure she is growing as a dancer. It's not that she couldn't have learned things from the experience. Even though her technique is superior to the other dancers, she could have learned a lot about stage presence from them, but she didn't really seem up to it this year. Her interest in dance is changing, and I am not sure whether it is the result of her competitive company's lackadaisical attitude, or maybe it is just a natural progression. She seems happy enough about it, and so I have made a conscious decision to relax about it too. I have always insisted she take ballet, but for next year I am not making her take it. That class cost more than her competitive dance, and frankly she doesn't need it to perform at the level they do.<br />
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We finished our school year (sort of). The girls both have a bit of math to finish, but I am not worried about it. They also took some spring workshops at the co-op that many of our friends attended this past year. They both enjoyed it. So we have enrolled them for the fall, and they will spend every Monday morning in a classroom type environment. Speaking of fall I am very excited about it. I can't remember looking forward to a schedule with anything, but dread. However, in the fall our schedule is actually beautiful. The girls have co-op on Monday morning, lots of activities on Tuesday afternoon/evening, gymnastics on Thursday afternoon/evening, and activities on Saturday morning. Fridays we will be participating several once a month groups which sound like a lot of fun, and that leaves Wednesdays for field trips. Our weekends are free from 1:00 on Saturday. Plus we can have dinner together 5 nights a week! <br />
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I also have figured out what we will be doing for our school year. The girls will continue with Teaching Textbooks for math. Neither one of them LOVES is, but they don't hate it either, and that's the best I can do for now. The only other "curriculum" I plan to use is a new program designed to prepare kids for problem based learning. It is called<i> Inquire</i>, and I am excited about it. All along I have wanted the girls to take more ownership in their learning, but the problem has been that they didn't always have the tools. This program is designed to tech them those skills. I know Curly will like it, and I am hopeful that Bear will too.<br />
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<br />
Ok so forgive any grammatical or logical errors in this post, but I am not going to reread. If I do I knwo I won't ever get it published<br />
<br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-5916099161477737292012-03-04T16:09:00.000-06:002012-03-04T16:09:43.894-06:00The ThreatWhenever people find out that we homeschool inevitably the first thing they say is, "I could never do that. My kids would never listen to me." I always smile and say how lucky I am because my girls never give me much trouble. I can't say that any more. Curly and I have been butting heads about school for the past few months. it is infuriating to me because I expect very little of her.<br />
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Every day she is expected to complete one lesson in Teaching Textbooks 6 for math. She also needs to do one Math Rider Quest which works on multiplication facts and takes less than 5 minutes per lesson. I expect her to keep up with her online literature class, but in truth I am not sure there is enough substance to count as a full language art curriculum. The whole week's work takes her less than a couple hours plus reading time, and I let her count the reading time toward her 30 minutes per day reading requirement. I also expect her to practice guitar 15-30 minutes every other day, and practice dance on days that she does not have an outside dance class. So on a given day she spends no more than 2 1/2 hours on everything I require of her. <br />
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The most recent battle began because I have been feeling like it is time to beef up her education a bit. My philosophy has always been that education focuses on two different things. There are skills and there is knowledge. My goal so far has been to make sure she has the skills she needs to gain the knowledge when she gets older. So I made sure that she was a good reader and writer because those are skills to be learned through practice, and she does daily math to gain skills in that area. All content knowledge has been presented through field trips, movies, books, plays, etc. I have never cared whether she knew specific dates or names. We had great conversations about history repeating itself, stars dying, and discrimination.<br />
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But now I am feeling that she needs a little more to help prepare her for life, and/or high school. Curly has expressed the desire to attend high school, and as such I need to make sure she is prepared for it. I also, feel like she is looking for productive things to do with her time. She has spent the better part of the past few months video chatting with a friend. They spend time role playing and making movies, and while I do not discount that learning is going on I feel like she has more to offer the world.<br />
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So I started researching how to meet these goals. I knew that I wasn't interested in dry "curriculum". We loved Unit Studies, but there were so much work to put together and implement. I knew I didn't have a lot of time for that. I had heard of project based learning, but I was quite sure what it was. Then I came across a list of writing contests on Pinterest. There was the answer! Curly could do projects based on contests we found online. I was so excited to share the idea with her... until I actually talked to her.<br />
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In her defense, I didn't do a good job of setting it up. I kind of started in the middle, and she immediately started groaning about how she already does enough school. That ticked me off, and I <strike>yelled</strike> casually mentioned that the public school was just minutes down the road, and maybe she should go there to see what a full school day was like. Not my proudest moment to be sure...<br />
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However, when we both calmed down we had a discussion about my concerns for her future. I talked to her about the four ways we can plan her education going forward. <br />
1. I can plan it by myself<br />
2. She can come up with a plan<br />
3. We can work together on the plan<br />
4. She can go to school<br />
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We both agree that collaborating on the plan is best. Of course she and I do not collaborate well. So this could be interesting. Stay tuned or my future rantings about the process!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-13214541051120616332012-02-29T08:30:00.000-06:002012-02-29T08:30:16.929-06:00Weird like me...I started this post nearly three weeks ago, but I still don't really know how to get out what I want to say. I saw a quote from Johnny Depp today, and it got me going.<br />
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"I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it." ~~ Johnny Depp <br />
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I have a lot of friends and even more "close acquaintances. When we went to a homeschool roller skate recently I was shocked at how many people I knew there. When I pick up Bear from gymnastics I know all the people at he gym. At Curly's dance competition I knew many more people than just her current group. So how is it that someone who knows so many people and can carry on pleasant conversations in so many different circles can feel so out of touch sometimes.<br />
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I sometimes wonder if homeschooling made us weird or if we homeschool because we are weird. I mean (although I know it isn't politically correct to mention) homeschoolers are by definition not normal. Normal people send their kids off to school every day, but homeschoolers don't. Normal kids spend their days in school while homeschooled kids spend their days doing "Goodness knows what."<br />
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Of course making homeschooling the scapegoat forgets the fact that for most of my life I never really "fit in" perfectly. In elementary school I would rather sit in the corner and read than try to conform. By junior high I figured out how not to stick out like a sore thumb, but most of my friends were not like me. High school was a dream. Somehow I found lots of other misfits. We were nerds, geeks, artists, etc. When I hear the horror stories about high school I think of how fortunate I was. College was fun, and I made some great friends there, and I found my soul-mate of course. Still, with the exception of my husband, I am not sure I made any life-long friends.<br />
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Sometimes I think I operate in too many circles to keep up lasting friendships in any of them. My homeschool friends don't "get" how intense and emotionally draining the girls competitions are. I feel like during the season it is what I have to talk about most of the time, and I try not to because I am afraid of coming across like I belong on an episode of Dance Moms. With my friends from Bear's gymnastics I feel like we will always be the weird family that homeschools. As with all non-homeschoolers I feel the need to constantly put a good face forward. So that I don't add to the stereotypes that homeschoolers get.<br />
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This is especially hard when Bear is at an age where she is terribly over sensitive. At least once a week she comes home feeling like someone has wronged her in some way. She has it the worst in terms of having friends. She is seems to be struggling with how to fit in and still be her tomboy self. She has the added burden that her gymnastics friends talk about school a lot, and she is much younger than all of them. I remember Curly going through the same kind of thing at basically the same age, and she came out mostly unscathed, but it is hard to watch your kid flounder...<br />
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So back to the quote...<br />
<br />
"I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it." ~~ Johnny Depp<br />
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This post has taken me weeks to write because although I totally agree with Johnny Depp that everybody's weird in their own way. Some days I just need to know that some are weird like me...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-28042529068009570042012-01-24T07:08:00.000-06:002012-01-24T07:08:45.806-06:00Sorry...So January isn't quite over, and I have failed miserably on my one New Year's Resolution. I could make excuses, and tell you that January hasn't been very kind. I could whine about lots of things, but instead I will tuck my tail and apologize to the universe. Life is too short to spend any of it feeling sorry for yourself. My one goal for 2012 is to feel happiness and share it with others and I am doing a terrible job so far. Here are the ways I suck...<br />
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More time with friends -- I have been a terrible friend this month. I actually forgot that I was invited out to lunch yesterday. I'm sure that made me look like a total bitch. To those who I stood up, I truly am sorry. I will talk to you in person too. Please know that me missing out on it was a bigger punishment for me than it was for you.<br />
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More dates with my husband -- Well, dates are easier if you are in the same state, but even when we have been together I have been too whiny to be any kind of good company. To my husband, I am sorry I haven't been better company. I promise that we will have some quality time together very soon.<br />
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More fun time as a family -- Since I have spent a large portion of the past month moving from the couch to my bed and back again I am guessing my kids would say there hasn't been a lot of fun in our household. To my kids I am sorry, and I hope you'll give me a do over. Giving you happy memories is the most important thing in my life.<br />
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More time to myself -- If you count laying in my bed then I have had more than my fair share of alone time this month. However, it was not quality time either. I apologize to myself for being such lousy company. Even though I wasn't feeling well it is no excuse for laying around watching crappy TV for a month.<br />
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So there you have it. My heartfelt apology to the world. I will do better.<br />
<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><i><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Even more important than the warmth and affection we receive, is the warmth and affection we give. It is by giving warmth and affection, by having a genuine sense of concern for others, in other words through compassion, that we gain the conditions for genuine happiness. More important than being loved, therefore, is to love. ~~ Dalai Lama</span></span></i></h6>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-16492375703548305412012-01-15T12:17:00.000-06:002012-01-15T12:17:47.983-06:00My Life's Soundtrack Part 1So it's been quite a rough week. After Bear's meet I got very sick. It started with a headache that wouldn't quit and ended with a diagnosis of pneumonia. Curly is sick too. She has bronchitis, and so we are both taking tone of medicine. Bear is unhappy because we are both too tired to play. John was out of town until Thursday then left again on Saturday night. Even our cat is sick so I need to take her to the vet tomorrow. So staying true to my resolution to be happy has been difficult. <br />
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I decided that a fun blog post will help, and what is more fun than music. I have had a strange and varied past when it comes to music. I thought a trip down memory lane could be fun.<br />
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My first favorite song was "My Sharona" by The Knack. I remember sitting on my bed next to my old am clock radio that I got from my Grandpa when he got a new one. I would wait and wait for them to play the song. I was only 7 when it came out, but I remember it so well.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVdnqEyToqg">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVdnqEyToqg</a> <br />
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From then on I don't have many specific memories for a few years. I listened to pop music, and whatever came on the radio.<br />
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When "Thriller" was released I fell in love with Michael Jackson. Of course I loved that album, but I ended up buying all his records. I had just gotten a record player, and spent lots of time listening to his Off the Wall album. "Rock With You" was my favorite song.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nleyNwzWwk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nleyNwzWwk</a><br />
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Around that same time I, like every other tween girl, discovered Madonna. Once again, while my friends loved "Like a Virgin" I went for a less likely favorite. "Lucky Star" It's so funny when you consider the artist she eventually grew into, but I LOVED it.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU</a><br />
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Very soon after I found a new love WHAM! More specifically George Michael. I wanted to marry him. Now I realize that he is so unbelievably gay, but I was only 12, and we didn't talk about that sort of thing then. It's hard to say which song was my favorite. I loved pretty much every song they released. However I am going to go with "Last Christmas" mostly because all the covers I heard this Christmas made me smile.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZhoF9Isf0o">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZhoF9Isf0o</a><br />
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I also discovered Prince around the same time. Once again I loved everything about him and his music. My favorite has to be "When Doves Cry" It was so different than anything I ever heard before. It was so sexy, and I was at "that age" I still believe that Prince is one of the best songwriters of all time.<br />
<a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5792204981326161348">http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5792204981326161348</a><br />
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Don't think I forgot about George Michael though. When his Faith album came out I listened to nothing else for weeks. It felt so rebellious to sing along to a song with the lyrics "I want your sex." I was 14. My favorite song was probably the title track. Of course it helped that the music video showed a lot of George Michael's butt!<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu3VTngm1F0">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu3VTngm1F0</a><br />
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Then I got a boyfriend, and he was not a traditional guy. He was into the Cure and since I was an insecure teenage girl I was into the Cure too. Actually, they arrived in my life at the perfect moment of teenage angst. I would lock myself in my room for hours and listen to the cassette he had made me on my walkman. In retrospect I am not sure how I escaped slitting my wrists, but I did. Now I look back fondly at the more upbeat songs like "The Love Cats"<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcW35t2Gtyk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcW35t2Gtyk</a><br />
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For the rest of high school I stuck to mostly pop. My best friend was into metal, but I never really got it. The closest thing I liked was Def Leopard. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" was really pretty poppy, but I think it still counts.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ4xwmZ6zi4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQ4xwmZ6zi4</a><br />
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I almost forgot t one of my best memories from high school. I was a band geek, and whenever we took a bus trip we would spend it singing. We sang lots of current pop songs (like the aforementioned Def Leopard song), but every trip we would end up singing "Lean on Me." I know it is cheesy, but it makes me so happy to remember it.<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPoTGyWT0Cg">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPoTGyWT0Cg</a><br />
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So that is only the first half of my life, but it is a good stopping point for now. Looking up all these favorites did the job for me; hope it brings some happiness to you as well!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-39614879725222508152012-01-02T21:46:00.000-06:002012-01-02T21:46:00.032-06:00Happy New Year 2012I realize that it is Jan. 2 and so I am late in posting my annual resolutions post. I have the perfect excuse though. I was busy enjoying the new year. I got to spend time with friends. I had a lovely day alone with my amazing husband. I got to hang out at home with my kids just lounging around and singing karaoke. I even got a few hours alone just sitting in a book store. Truly all those happy moments have shaped the resolutions I have decided on for this year, but first I need to recap this year.<br />
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First my resolutions from last year...<br />
<b>1. Nurture my family relationships</b> <br />
<b>2. Nurture my soul</b><br />
<b> 3. Nurture my relationship with the world</b><br />
<b>4. Nurture my body</b><br />
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I made some good progress on each of these goals. I an especially proud of the first 2/3 of the year. I am in better health than I was a year ago. I wrote on the blog consistently, We took more field trips, I worked to reduce clutter in my home, and I most definitely remembered to be thankful for all my many blessings. I never got around to learning meditation, and I still have trouble delegating, but otherwise I feel pretty successful in terms of my resolutions. <br />
<b> </b><br />
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All in all 2011 was a good year. We went to Florida in Jan., and although that trip involved some drama with my brother's family, a little Florida sunshine is always welcome in the middle of winter. After that the winter passed quickly. Bear's very busy and successful gymnastics season added excitement to the dreary winter, and we made some new friends through it too. Because we ended up going tp Florida again in June our summer seemed far too short, but we tried to make the most of it. We swam and went to parks. The girls did a couple of drama camps, and it seemed like we visited 100 local carnivals. Curly also got to spend time with a new friend who is the sister of one of Bear's teammates. They have become great friends. She also tried out for and made an elite dance team which brought even more new friends.<br />
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So that brings us through August. This is when things seemed to go wrong. We were over scheduled to be sure. A necessary change in Bear's gymnastics schedule left us with activities on both Sat. and Sun. Around the same time Bear started having her health issues which was very upsetting for me. Then Curly had some issues with some friends, which ended well, but also stressed me out. Before I knew it the holidays were in full swing, and I felt totally unprepared. We ended up having a nice Christmas, but I never got fully in the spirit. <br />
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So now it is 2012, and I have only one resolution. I will be happy in 2012. That's it. I know it seems oversimplistic, and maybe it is. John started me on the path. He is reminding me to take my vitamin D every day. Lack of sunshine makes me moody in winter, and so the vitamin D is worth a shot. Research shows that exercise is also a great mood elevator. As usual I will try to start and maintain a workout program. My kids constant bickering is a definite downer for me. I have a couple of ways to combat that this year too. However, there is one simple path to happiness for me. I must make time for the specific things that make me happy. Which leads me back to the past couple days, and how great they were. <br />
<ol><li>I need time with friends. I am in a strange predicament because I have several distinct groups of friends. This means that I need to make time to get together with at least 3 different groups. Still I should be able to do that at least once a month. There are people I have been missing simply because I haven't made seeing them a priority, and that needs to stop.</li>
<li>I need more dates with my husband. At least once a month we need grownup time. A nice meal without kids can be just the opportunity we need to remember how much we enjoy each others company.</li>
<li>As a family we need to do more fun things. Because our lives are so hectic we tend to veg out whenever we have down time, and that is ok. But wasting all our free time on our computers doesn't help us bond. The girls are growing up so fast. I can't help but worry that it won't be long before they don't want to do things with us. For now we need to spend more time engaged with them. They can help cook dinner, or we can play a game together. Just quality time together (without them fighting or John and I getting easily aggravated) needs to be valued.</li>
<li>I have struggled with this resolution for several years now. I have wanted to put it on the list, but I feel guilty admitting how much I need it. However, with the idea that my happiness will impact the happiness of those around me I am ready to put it down on paper. I need some time to myself. I think 4 or 5 hours once a month would be enough. This time needs to be all at once, and it has to be separate from the time I devote to spending with others. The time needs to be spent doing something I couldn't (or wouldn't) do with others. I might shop for clothes, sit in a bookstore, or hang out in coffee shop.</li>
</ol>So there you have it. I promise to make time for fun this year. Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-24366235228708469592011-12-21T07:54:00.000-06:002011-12-21T07:54:44.514-06:00My Big Fat UpdateI read a ton of blogs, and I belong to several online communities with message or discussion boards. One thing that drives me crazy is that people seem to think that everyone wants to listen to them whine all the time. The one board I am on has had almost no good news since before last Christmas. I remember them excited to kick 2010 out the door, and now they feel the same about 2011. If their lives really are so devoid of positive experiences then that is sad. My guess is that they save all their bitching for these online groups. Why? What you write down on the internet last so much longer than what you say in real life. Our online communications will be a snapshot of us long after we are gone. What does the picture look like?<br />
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This is what I am thinking of when I sit down to blog, and consequently when I am feeling crabby or down I don't blog. Problem is, I am not creatign an accurate snapshot either. As I read back over my posts of the past few months I feel like there isn't much of me in them. This blog is a catch all. My intention was for it to have posts about my feeling on issues, descriptions of our brand of homeschooling, and personal posts. I have noticed that I have a very difficult time with the personal posts (especially lately). I think it is because I am tryign to force some positive experiences into it, and, lately, when happy things are happening I don't feel like blogging because I am busy enjoying them; and when not so great things are happening I am not in a hurry to immortalize them here.<br />
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So I am extremely behind on this blog. I will do a super quick update on the major events of the past few months...<br />
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<ol><li>The doctor thinks Bear has hypoglycemia. She was having what appeared to be panic attacks, but on closer inspection they seem to be related to her consumption of sugar. We are treating it with dietary changes, but she is being a total PITA about it. She doesn't want to eat frequently; she doesn't want to make the healthiest choices, etc. Trying to keep he rfed has become the biggest stress in my life.</li>
<li>Actually Bear is being a PITA about a lot of things. In her whole life she has only really gotten under my skin a handful of times, but lately it is an every day occurrence. I am not sure if it is because of her stress with her health or just her age, but I feel totally unprepared to deal with her stubbornness. </li>
<li>Bear is still doing gymnastics, but I am not sure if she will continue it after this season. I think she will have a very successful season in terms of winning, but it has lost much of its sparkle for her. There are many places to lay blame about it, hypoglycemia, her clueless male coach, being so much younger than her teammates, her best friend quitting the sport, etc. Bottom line is that she spends far too much time at the gym for it not to be something she loves.</li>
<li>Curly is dancing more than she ever has before. She is taking a ballet technique class which I think is very good for her, and she is a member of a competition team through a park district. The competition team is fun, but so far seems to be a waste of time and money from a competition standpoint. The coaches are very young (17-20), and they are completely unprepared to be in charge of the girls. On the plus side, Curly is one of the best in the class, and her confidence in dance is coming back.</li>
<li>She is also finally maturing in her dealings with people. She had a very rough patch where she decided she was tired of "always" being the one who gave in, and she because the bully. I understood her frustration because she surrounds herself with fairly string personalities and she felt bowled over a lot of the time. Still her behavior landed her in hot water with her friends, and I was ready to send her off to boarding school for the way she was treating her sister. She eventually had an eye opening experience with her friends, and it was a turning point for her. She is actually the most emotionally stable I have ever seen her.</li>
<li>Our homeschool group is barely hanging on. I really miss it, but since I feel like I am barely hanging on I can't rescue it. I have planned nearly all the activities we have done for the past year. I don't mind doing it, but right now it is too much. We have book club once a month, so at least we get to see our friends, but I miss seeing them more regularly. Several of them are joining a co-op, but i just can't bring myself to do it right now. The next three months are so busy. So our friends will get together for the co-op, and we will see them even less...</li>
<li>Math is going ok. The girls are using Teaching Textbooks, and although I am not in love with it, it does the job. Bear is doing 4th grade which is a bot too easy for her, and Curly is doing 6th grade which is the perfect level for her. Some days she gets distracts during the problems and makes stupid mistakes like adding instead of subtracting or forgetting her place holder zeros, but none of her mistakes suggest that she doesn't understand all the problems.</li>
<li>Curly finished her online literature class yesterday. Mostly it was a success. The last few weeks were spent reading <u>All Creatures Great and Small</u>. She hated the book, and I have to agree with her. I will read just about anything, but this was pure torture. Curly was having a time management problem at the time they started the book. She had several big projects due at the same time, and she had spent too much time on her new passion (more on that later). So I had no pity for her when she fell behind in the reading. She was crying and saying that the book was too hard, and I was sure she was just upset that she was so far behind. Finally, I picked up the book. Ugh!!! So I told her I would read it to her. In truth I read parts of it to her and paraphrased parts. It is one of the only books I have ever read that I found no redeeming value in.</li>
<li>Curly is a budding filmmaker. She spends the bulk of her time shooting films and editing them in i-movie. She taught herself how to use the program, and she is pretty good at it already. I am so excited to see developing a passion for something. </li>
<li>The Christmas spirit has not really been in my heart. I went through all the motions. I put out the decorations; I shopped for the presents; I wrapped them; I hosted a big family gathering; etc. Still I have been struggling to get in the mood for it. Today my Mom is taking the girls and I to the mall to enjoy some people watching. I want to want to go, but I really don't feel like it. Still I will put on my game face, and give it the old college try.</li>
</ol>So there you have it. You are caught up. There is not quite enough good news in there for my tastes, but it is accurate. Hopefully after today I will have some positive experiences to share. Or at least some funny stories about crazy Christmas shoppers!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-13956050010717855862011-11-26T08:24:00.001-06:002011-11-27T10:46:19.860-06:00The Joys of Winter!This weekend is a well needed break. The life we have chosen is sometimes more hectic than I think we can handle. Bear's gymnastics schedule consumes so much of our time, and this year Curly is dancing nearly as much. When you add in the constant nagging feeling that I do not do enough with the girls' school it can become unbearable. So long weekend like this is really nice. Bear still has gymnastics on Sunday, but Curly's dance was off yesterday, and Monday we have NOTHING on the calendar. Yay!!!<br />
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So yesterday we started decorating for Christmas. I tried putting on Christmas music, but I wasn't quite ready for it. There is another problem. I LOVE my fall decorations, but I am not in love with my winter stuff. So every year when I change my stuff out I feel sad about putting away the fall things. I guess it mirrors my feelings about the seasons. I have never liked winter, and fall has always been my favorite. This year will be different. I am determined to not just tolerate winter, but try to enjoy the special things that only happen in winter! But first I think I may buy myself a few new winter decorations. Also, I have to figure out where to put the tree. I love having it in my front window, but it makes my already dark living room even darker! I think I do this every year, and every year it ends up in my front window again. So maybe I just need to add light inside the house...<br />
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Anyway, I am determined to enjoy this winter. I scheduled very little school for the months of Dec. Jan. and Feb. because I knew we would be busy with dance and gymnastics competitions. SO that means we can devote ourselves to fun. In Dec. we will be doing LOTS of crafts. My hope is that the girls will have homemade gifts to nearly everyone. Not crappy stuff that will get thrown away, but nice thoughtful gifts that will be treasured.<br />
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I leave you with a poem that almost makes winter sound like fun. <br />
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<div align="left" style="color: #f3f3f3; padding-left: 14px; padding-top: 13px;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-weight: bold;">A Winter Ride by Amy Lowell</span></span></div><div style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="color: #f3f3f3; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; padding-left: 14px; padding-top: 20px;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Who shall declare the joy of the running!<br />
Who shall tell of the pleasures of flight!<br />
Springing and spurning the tufts of wild heather,<br />
Sweeping, wide-winged, through the blue dome of light.<br />
Everything mortal has moments immortal,<br />
Swift and God-gifted, immeasurably bright.<br />
So with the stretch of the white road before me,<br />
Shining snowcrystals rainbowed by the sun,<br />
Fields that are white, stained with long, cool, blue shadows,<br />
Strong with the strength of my horse as we run.<br />
Joy in the touch of the wind and the sunlight!<br />
Joy! With the vigorous earth I am one. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; padding-left: 14px; padding-top: 20px;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Enjoy!!! </span> </div>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-17608714575724243322011-11-24T07:01:00.000-06:002011-11-24T07:01:51.663-06:00Let the Festivities Begin...Today I need to be festive. Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season, and I want to get started with a band. Problem is... I'm just not feeling it. I am not ready to host. I didn't actually get my house as clean as I wanted or as much of the prep work done over the past few days because I have been dealing with some health issues for Bear and some girl drama issues for Curly. My parents won't be here for Thanksgiving, and instead are spending it with my brother's ungrateful family. Then my cat knocked a glass of cold water on my head this morning to wake me up. Not a festive alarm. So how do I recover? Can I recover?<br />
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A few weeks ago I was sitting at Cracker Barrell with my girls and my Mom. Within my line of sight there were two very old couples at separate tables. I love to people watch, and so I spent part of my time just watching. I saw one of the couple playfully teasing each other. Their conversations were light and warm and relaxed. The other couple barely spoke at all, but it wasn't the comfortable silence of two people who need no words to communicate. It was a tense, hard, cold silence broken only by an occasional clank of a fork hitting the plate too hard. These couples got me thinking about what sort of "old person" I will be. Will, I have grown to the point that I no longer first see red, and then have t calm myself down? Will I be able to have compassion for those who haven't found inner peace, or will I be annoyed that they haven't figured it out yet?<br />
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This led me to think about who I am now. Is it who I want to be? Am I the type of person I would like to be? The answer is sometimes yes... and sometimes no. I realize that we are all works in progress, and as such we should be slowly and steadily improving ourselves, but sometimes I get so impatient with myself. If I know who I want to be, and I know that it is a simple choice to be that person why don't I consistently make that choice?<br />
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And so on this festive day, I will make that choice at least for today. I will be calm and thankful, and I will choose to be festive as well. We only have so many Thanksgivings (my favorite holiday). So wasting one would be to deny myself something I love. Even worse it would be denying my family the best I have to offer. To help me get happy, I will list some people I am so very THANKFUL for...<br />
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My husband and my girls who are my very life force<br />
My parents who have balanced unconditional love with high expectations my whole life<br />
My in-laws who travel here every year to help make memories with my girls<br />
My brother and his family who remind me that there are always different viewpoints <br />
My friend Amy who the very memory of our times makes me smile<br />
My friend Shannon who I am able to be honest with<br />
My friend Kim who is ready with a hug or a pat on the shoulder<br />
My friend Heather who makes me laugh all the time<br />
All the other people I make chat with at the girls activities for helping me pass the time in fun way<br />
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I am also thankful for the things I have like a home, a car, my couch... but those things pale in comparison for what I am most thankful for... I am thankful that I have no reason not to be festive. Sure there are little things that aren't perfect, but I have no real problems! If that isn't a reason to celebrate I don't know what is.<br />
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Happy Thanksgiving! Go Celebrate :-)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-68332844501748874112011-10-07T10:48:00.000-05:002011-10-07T10:48:51.100-05:00A Review of Dolphin Tale (finally)Last week we went to see the movie Dolphin Tale and this post has been marinating in my brain for the past week. I'm not one to wax poetic about movies in general. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE movies. In fact lately, I feel as though I really miss the experience of going to the theater. However, most movies really don't stick with me. I think my brain just doesn't commit them to long term memory. My husband teases me that I can rewatch a movie within months of originally seeing it and still be surprised by the plot. <br />
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The plot of Dolphin Tale didn't have any plot twists. It begins with dolphins in wild swimming free. There is lots of great ocean imagery which I love. I swear I could sit and watch ocean documentaries every day. We get introduced to Winter as a curious fun loving juvenile dolphin. Eventually her curiosity get her tail stuck in a crab trap. There is a very touching scene when Sawyer, an 11 year old boy, finds her washed up on the beach. He calls a local marine rescue and the two bond while she heals. Her tail is badly infected and has to be removed, but Winter leans to swim without it. Unfortunately, the side to side motion she uses begins to damage her spinal chord. The rest of the movie is spent trying to get Winter a prosthetic that she doesn't reject. There is a very scary hurricane too. Of course it ends happily as most kids' movies do, and it was pretty cheesy. For some reason it didn't bother me though. The movie could have been like any other kid movie, but there were three things that made it stand apart for me.<br />
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There was a wonderful cast of characters in this movie, and it did include Ashley Judd and Harry Connick Jr. both of whom I LOVE, but I was most impressed with the main kid characters. As I mentioned there is an 11 year old boy named Sawyer. He is a battling some sadness because his Dad left and didn't come back. There is a great relationship between him and his cousin who is about to be deployed in the military. The true magic happens between Sawyer and 11 year old Hazel. She is the daughter of the main marine rescuer. The two could not be more different. He goes to school; she is homeschooled. He is quiet; she is very talkative. He is rigid; she is a free spirit. They do bond over Winter, and because they both know what it is like to lose a parent. The great thing is that there is never any sexual tension between them. They interact like kids should interact. In fact it almost seems that they picked two actors who looked bit alike to foster a brother sister type bond. After all the Disney shows and movies that act like all 11 year old are waiting to jump each other's bones. It was so refreshing to see a movie that showed kids as something other than pre-teens.<br />
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The character of Hazel was particularly likable. They mention, in passing, that she is homeschooled, but never mention it again. Then they paint a picture of this driven, courageous, creative kind little girl. She is everything I hope to foster in my own girls. The whole time whether the audience realizes it or not, the fact that she is a homeschooler is forming positive connections in their brains. I love that they were so subtle with it. Sometimes movies are so in your face with the messages that people reject them immediately. In this case the movie doesn't say, "Homeschooled kids are great!" Instead it shows you that Hazel is great, and then allows the audience to draw their own conclusions.<br />
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For me the best part was that it was an inspirational movie that didn't alienate non-Christians. I don't believe that a belief in God is necessary for people to do great things. I think that people are driven to be kind and brave because it feels good, but most times the main characters in inspirational movies turn to God for support. I have no problem with that, but it was nice to see a movie that allowed the characters to do great things because of human nature instead of the promise of a place in heaven. Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-66796029837594129832011-09-27T08:51:00.000-05:002011-09-27T08:51:46.697-05:00There's More Than One Way to Skin a CatI was raised by a fairly judgmental mother. It's funny because now she is so much more open minded that it actually surprises me when she reverts back to her old ways. As with all people I think I carried some of that self righteousness into adulthood. When I was a teacher, I was extremely irritated to watch parents make such gigantic mistakes. It seemed to me that they must not even be trying. Then I had my own kids...<br />
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Curly was a wonderful baby... as long as you never out her down. So my instinct was to keep holding her. In truth I held her for at least 3 months straight. was that the "right" thing to do? Hmmm well maybe it helped know that she was loves and could trust that someone would always be there for her... Or maybe it kept her from learning to comfort herself, and it is the reason even now at nearly 10 years old she struggles with that skill.<br />
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As a baby Bear was a happier baby when she had some space. So I held her much less. In her case, since Curly was still only 2 (and I've mentioned how she clung to me) it was good that Bear wasn't a clingy child. And maybe the space I gave her as an infant allowed her to become the independent child she is today... Or maybe it caused her to question whether anyone else is actually there for her and keeps her from asking for help today.<br />
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My point is that in both cases I did my best. I made the choices I thought were right at the time and hoped for the best. I came to realize that parenting is not a one size fits all experience. I look at my cousins and I who were all raised in vastly different ways, and for the most part we all turned out to be good people and good parents ourselves. It is obvious that as long as a child knows he or she is loved and can honestly say that his or her parents did their best they will turn out ok. So why do people insist there is a "right" way to parent?<br />
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The same holds true for homeschooling. I have tried different ways of homeschooling. They range from classical to unschooling, and we have found an eclectic mix that fits our family's needs. I try very hard to not judge other people's methods. It turned out that classical was far to rigid for my kids. There weren't enough opportunities for self expression early on, and so we decided to try something else. Unschooling felt like flying without a parachute to me. Actually both Curly and I felt lost without a plan. I have seen unschooling work for people, but I am too much of a control freak to trust on the process. We all loved the unit study approach but found it difficult to keep up with preparing for each unit. Finally we tried a balanced approach. We use fairly traditional methods and materials for math, writing, and spelling. I look at these things as skill based, and I believe that skills can be taught and need to be practiced regularly. All the other subjects, art, music, history, science, geography, social studies, etc. we learn through experience. I try to arrange a rich life with plenty of opportunities to hear, see, smell, taste and touch. Because these other subjects are knowledge based experiential learning ensures that facts are connected to something real. In this way they are more likely to stick.<br />
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So why am I making a big deal about this now? Because at much as I try to have a live and let live approach to life I feel judged regularly by unschoolers. Not as much by the ones I know in real life, but by the ones who's blogs I read. They act as if the only way to truly embrace life is to be an unschoolers and the rest of us are just sheep. I have experienced more bigotry from them than from anyone who questions whether homeschooling is a good idea.<br />
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My question is why? As homeschoolers we all struggle with moments of insecurities. In fact, this applies to us as human beings in general. So why do we judge others? Does it make us feel less insecure about our own decisions to bash other people's. Wouldn't it make more sense to assume that we are all doing the best we can with the information and wisdom we have. We all chose to step off the beaten path, and follow our own instincts. We need to remember that there are as many different new trails as there are people to blaze them.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-24705796257695591182011-09-01T20:08:00.000-05:002011-09-01T20:08:25.940-05:00What's Wrong With the Pubic School?I've been pondering the state of education lately. Obviously the system is failing in many ways. Nearly everyone agrees on that. Of course, the specifics of how and why it is failing are another matter all together...<br />
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Being a former teacher who now homeschools I think I may have a different insight into it. The simple answer is that school fail because we cannot agree on what they are supposed to be succeeding at. Each individual, whether it be a school official, teacher, parent or student has his or her own idea of what a successful school would be.<br />
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Just ask a group of homeschoolers why they homeschool. There will be as many different answers as there are people in the group. Some want to shelter their child from alternative viewpoints. Some think the schools force kids to conform too much. Some think it lacks the structure and intensity that children need. Some believe that kids time is better spent pursuing their own interests. The list goes on and on.<br />
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And so it goes with people discussing the public school. The school day too long, or maybe too short. The curriculum is too rigid, or is it too flexible? Do we test too much or too little? Does the school get too involved in teaching morality or not involved enough? Do we spend too much money or too little. Should we invest more in remedial education or gifted programming? Why do we have these unanswerable questions?<br />
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The news is always comparing us to "other" industrialized nations, and we come up short. Why? Let's look at those nations... Korea, Japan, Finland... All ethnically and culturally homogenized countries. Of course it is easier to meet the needs and wants of similar people than it is to meet the needs and wants of a motley crew of assorted groups cobbled together from years of immigration. We are doomed to fail from the beginning. There is no way to keep our diversity and take a one size fits all approach.<br />
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So can it be fixed? Obviously, I don't think it will be fixed any time soon. That is the true reason I homeschool. I have no expectations that the public school would meet my wants for my kids. Until, more opportunities for charter schools are available I think things will continue as they have for decades. Lots of well meaning passionate people will continue arguing points that are all valid for some students. The pendulum on each issue will make giant swings from side to side, and no one will emerge entirely satisfied.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-88976769404821170042011-08-26T10:29:00.000-05:002011-08-26T10:29:50.919-05:00Back to SchoolWe started school this week, and so far it is going very well. The girls both seem to like Teaching Textbooks, although it seems pretty light. We are also doing Math Minutes like they do in public school. Each day the girls get a page of math facts. The idea is to finish the sheet in one minute. They both made the addition goal today. I added an opening writing prompt to our day too. Of course Curly Loves it, but Bear is struggling somewhat. I think that she will get the hang of it quickly.<br />
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So that's the school side of things. In other news, they are trying to change Bear's gymnastics schedule. We got the fall schedule in late June or early July. So I figured it was a done deal. I planned all of our lives around that schedule! Now, since school started, people are having a hard time with balancing school and gymnastics. I get it. I have said from the beginning that I can't imagine Bear going to public school and keeping her hectic gymnastics schedule. Still I am really irritated that this wasn't discussed a month or more ago. <br />
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I am not a flexible person. I know that, and I do try to work on it. In this case I don't think am being unreasonable though. Still it looks like it is going to happen, so I may as well get used to it. I am just really hoping that they don't schedule it for Sunday. That is our family time. I really don't want to give them up for gymnastics!<br />
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I am also bummed because I had the option of going out with friends for a ghost tour on Saturday, but I had to decline. Sunday morning I have to help my Dad run the car show he does every year. I really hate that thing, but he doesn't ask for anything and so I can't say no. We actually do the pictures. John is the photographer, and I take car of the computer side of things. It's not really that big of a deal, but I get nervous about it every year.<br />
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Ok so that's a quick update. This weekend will be crazy so I probably won't blog again until early next week. It's getting close to Sept. so I will update you on my resolutions again. I know you can't wait :-)Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-1216406729772482642011-08-19T09:42:00.000-05:002011-08-19T09:42:48.121-05:00Being a Parent is...Being a parent is...<br />
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The hardest thing I have ever done.<br />
Being a taxi driver, chef, cleaning lady and counselor. <br />
Messy.<br />
The most important thing to me right now.<br />
Unbelievably time consuming.<br />
Constant second guessing.<br />
Hard on my social life.<br />
Hard on my love life.<br />
The best part of my day.<br />
The worst part of my day.<br />
The biggest blow to my self confidence.<br />
Self inflicted punishment.<br />
Something I could not live without. <br />
Not what I expected.<br />
Expensive.<br />
Utter choas.<br />
The most rewarding thing I have ever done.<br />
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I just need to remember that every day :-)<br />
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My kids aren't perfect, but neither am I. Hopefully we can all give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are doing our best!<br />
<br />
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-56530095469499048442011-08-18T14:11:00.000-05:002011-08-18T14:11:34.305-05:00Extreme ParentingAs I mentioned before Curly Q. is going through some horrible times. Part of me knows it is mostly normal tween hormonal crap; I see many of her friends going through the same things. Part of me wants to take up corporeal punishment or send her off to military school. Always before I could count on her intelligence to help her see futility in being too argumentative, but lately even that doesn't help her.<br />
<br />
It started about 6 months ago with eye rolling and grunting when she didn't like what was being said. I tried to deal with that, but I guess I was so surprised to see her standing up for herself that I didn't do too much to squelch it. I guess I chalked it up to freedom of expression, and didn't worry too much about it. Later I started to see her getting a bit physical with her sister. She would grab things from her or push her out of the way. I see other siblings behave that way, so once again I wasn't too worried. Obviously I disciplined her for it, but I didn't see it as a bigger problem. Finally came the outright defiance. It is pretty new, but it has me scrambling as to what to do now.<br />
<br />
Curly Q. has always been an empathetic kid. She never would intentionally harm someone, and if she accidentally even hurt someone's feelings she would apologize immediately. She would stress over anyone who was down or upset. She took blame upon herself when it wasn't hers to take. I worried sometimes that she was too eager to take the blame.<br />
<br />
Recently, however, she refuses to admit to any wrong doing. I've tried to talk to her about it in regards to situations that do not involve me, and all she will say is, "I didn't do anything wrong." Even when I tried to point out things that I know she understands are wrong, she will only admit to responding to someone else's wrongdoing.<br />
<br />
It makes it impossible to discipline her. I am not an authoritarian parent. I discipline only to educate my kids. I see my job as someone to help them grow into the best person they can be. That won't work the kids don't understand what they did wrong, and why it was wrong. So what do I do next?<br />
<br />
So far I have tried positive parenting. I try to notice all the good things she does. I know she appreciates that, but it didn't seem to shape her behavior. Next I tried punishments. She loves her laptop so I tried taking that away. That worked while the punishments were in place, but I didn't feel like it made any long term change in her attitude. I feel like I need to do something radical...<br />
<br />
So this morning, after she got completely mad at me about something, then refused to admit that she had been disrespectful I decided to ignore her. Not totally, but as I explained it to her, I have no expectations for her so she should have no expectations of me. When I made lunch I didn't make any for her. When I brought the laundry up for folding, I put hers in the chair in her room and let her know they were there. <br />
<br />
At first she didn't even notice, but then she asked if I was mad at her. I told her no, but that I was tired of doing all these things for someone with so little respect for me. Tonight I will send her an e-mail. In it I will try to explain the lesson I am hoping she will learn from this. I have no idea if this will work any better than the other things I have tried, but I have to keep trying!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-72267379741070873172011-08-17T15:20:00.000-05:002011-08-17T15:20:06.244-05:00I Have A Dream...<i>I have a dream of the perfect homeschool group for Curly Q. I also have a dream of the perfect homeschool group for Bear. They are nothing alike! This makes our homeschool journey so much more difficult.</i><br />
<br />
That was the initial opening to this post, but as I lined out the "perfect groups" I realized that they could be aligned more than I realized. Here's what I came up with...<br />
<br />
<ol><li>Our perfect group needs more members. Both my kids, and in fact all the kids currently in our group, would benefit from a larger circle. It would give everyone more opportunities to try different things, and it would keep any one person from feeling left out. I also believe that it would give each child more opportunities to be leaders. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but because there are more people to follow more people can lead. Also, because I think they would benefit from being divided into younger and older groups we need more people to fill in those group. </li>
<li>Our perfect group would have a discussion group for middle school kids. Ideally there would be a group of at least 10 diverse kids aged 10+ ish. They could spend time talking about books, philosophical lessons such as those from this <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Philosophy-Kids-Questions-Wonder-Everything/dp/1882664701">book</a>, and even decision making lessons like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Decide-Responsible-Choices-Teacher-Resource/dp/1568224273/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313609406&sr=1-1">these.</a> In this way the kids would have a place to bounce around all those ideas that are crammed into their little heads. They can have opportunities to view the world from other people's vantage points. We would have to have a similar group for the younger set with more age appropriate topics and materials. </li>
<li>Our group would have lots of opportunities for sharing. Anything that the kids had been working on art, writing, special collections, monologues, music, etc. The kids would become a great support place. Also, having a place to "show off" is a great motivator. Creating for the sake of creating is nice, but pats on the back make it that much better.</li>
<li>The group would regularly take on charity projects. These would decided upon by the whole group. Once again, the more opportunities for the kids to see other types of people the better. I know my kids have benefited greatly from the few times they have volunteered.</li>
<li>We would have a nice mix of educational and recreational field trips. This way the group can satisfy their need for knowledge and their need for socializing. Some days we will visit a museum. Some days we will visit a playground or even the mall.</li>
</ol>So there's the utopian ideal. Could it work? If so, how?<br />
<br />
The biggest problem as far as I can see is the biggest problem I have in the world. Time is limited! I would love to say that one day per week could be field trip day and one day could be meeting day, but no one can devote two days a week to this (even if it was their perfect group too). So that leaves it to one day per week...<br />
<br />
So, what if we alternated one week is discussion/sharing and the next is a field trip. Charity projects could be discussed during the sharing sessions, and we would have to schedule them separately. We would need one person to run each age group, and there would be 2-4 age groups (preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school). I know many people don't like the idea of age division, and I don't think that the boundries should be set in stone. I do think that each age group can be customized to the needs of it's members better if their interests are at similar levels. <br />
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So what do you think? Could it work? Is it a pipe dream?Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-20502153336469268672011-08-16T07:14:00.000-05:002011-08-16T07:14:57.926-05:002011-2012 School YearI am nearly ready for school now. I have been diligently compiling materials for both girls, and all of us are getting excited. Last year, we took it a bit easy, and I think we are all ready for a bit more structure. Here's the outline of the plan:<br />
<br />
Curly<br />
<ul><li>Math -- Teaching Textbooks 6 </li>
<li>Spelling -- Basic Cozy Spelling from http://www.splashesfromtheriver.com/spelling/</li>
<li>Grammar -- Lessons compiled from a McGraw Hill Workbook for 5-6 grade</li>
<li>Literature -- Online version of Lightning Literature 7</li>
</ul>Bear<br />
<ul><li>Math -- Teaching Textbooks 4</li>
<li>Spelling -- Sequential Spelling</li>
<li>Grammar -- Lessons compiled from several 3rd grade workbooks</li>
<li>Reading -- 15 minutes reading aloud (to me) every day </li>
</ul>I also had the girls make a list of things they were curious about. We will work on using the inquiry model to find the answers to those questions. We will be taking lots of field trips, too. I also have two big books of science experiments and a bog book of art projects that they can pull out whenever the mood strikes them. Of course Curly will be dancing and Bear will be doing gymnastics. We also stumbled into a twice a month cooking class. <br />
<br />
So that is the plan for now. I am going to try to strike a balance between structure and freedom. We seems to swing from extreme to extreme. So, hopefully this can be the year we get it right!<br />
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Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-85504120556903009292011-08-13T06:37:00.000-05:002011-08-13T06:37:17.049-05:00Giftedness...The other day I inadvertently got involved in a conversation with a couple other moms about the gifted program at their school. It sounds like a wonderful program, very similar to how we homeschool, lots of projects and field trips...<br />
<br />
It led to a discussion of the quirks of gifted kids. I don't talk a lot about my kids giftedness because I think such a label just alienated people, but it was so interesting to "compare notes" with these other parents about the idiosyncrasies that always come with being a couple standard deviations away from the norm. I was a profoundly gifted kid, and I remember how difficult it was until high school because I had no intellectual peers. There were definitely other smart kids, probably even gifted kids, but they didn't have the same oddness that profoundly gifted kids seem to possess.<br />
<br />
When Curly Q. was very little she asked bizarre questions all the time. As she grew those questions became fewer and farther between. It happened so gradually that I almost didn't notice. I always knew she was very smart. She began talking unbelievably early. She read early. She had an over developed sense of empathy practically from birth. These are all signs of "giftedness." I thought that because we homeschooled she would not have the same struggles that I had as a child. I blamed all my problems on a public school system that is not cut out to deal with people like me.<br />
<br />
As it turns out I was wrong. Curly Q. has been going through normal tween bouts of hormones. She has trouble controlling her emotions; sadness, happiness and anger all come pouring out of her at regular intervals. During one of her crying spells, she admitted that she had purposely been editing herself so that she didn't seem weird with her friends. She then rattled of a laundry list of weird questions she had. As I lay in her bed with her I felt like crying too. I remembered what it was like to feel so different.<br />
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Curly gets along with everyone. Her natural empathy makes her a great friend, but sometimes I am not sure she gets what she needs from her friendships. Her best friends spend all their time discussing boys (like "normal" girls do), and although she is beginning to notice boys they are not her focus. She belongs to two different book clubs, but she feels the other members never want to read the same kind of things she does. She enjoys some of the same activities, but for different reasons.<br />
<br />
Anyway, it was so nice to talk to these other moms about the social issues that arise for their gifted kids. We talked about how they all make power point or keynote presentations for fun. We talked about the lists that litter their bedrooms. We talked about how much more comfortable they seemed with adults. We even talked about the strange collections they have. It was so nice to know that there are others. As it turns out Curly will be dancing with one of the other girls we were discussing, and I am so excited for her. I know that she will eventually find her niche.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-84546131288294337692011-08-12T08:13:00.000-05:002011-08-12T08:13:53.904-05:00Dance MomsHave you seen the new show on Lifetime called "Dance Moms"? Curly's dance coach was talking about it when we were volunteering together last week. It is a reality show about the Abby Lee dance company. Specifically they follow around the elite group of girls that are Curly's age. Let me start by saying that a couple of these girls are phenomenal dancers. They have better technique than some seasoned dancers. Since it is reality tv there has to be drama of course. The owner/teacher is portrayed as a authoritarian, money hungry, abusive bitch who practices blatant favoritism. They have sound bites of her saying things that should never be said to a child. For me the bigger villains are the moms. These women all bring their daughters to dance seven days a week for six hours a day. They allow them to be torn down. These girls are from 6 to 13 years old! Still after seeing the things I have seen in both dance and gymnastics I know enough to be skeptical. There are five families. One of the moms used to be a dancer at the same studio. I fee so bad for her kids because the older daughter who is 13 does not want to dance any more. She wants to be a teenager and go to the mall with her friends. She wants to be a cheerleader. Her younger daughter has to work especially hard because she doesn't seen to pick up choreography very quickly, but the coach makes no allowances for that. That mom is so busy creating drama and being jealous of the "best" dancer that she doesn't even notice what her kids need, let alone help them get it. Another mom is clearly an alcoholic. Her daughter is as good of a dancer as the "best" dancer, bus her mom is constantly causing problems for her at the studio. One mom is a busy working mom, but seems to be the least dramatic; another mom is the owner of another studio, but brings her six year old to hone in on the success at Abby Lee. She is obviously an attention whore, but her daughter is not anywhere near the caliber of all the other dancers in the group. So really all those moms are fairly unlikable characters. Then there is Maddie and Mackenzie's mom. I can't decide how much to dislike her. Her older daughter is the best on the group. Her younger daughter holds her own despite being the youngest by far. They never show her kids complaining about coming to dance. They truly seem to want to be there. So even though it is excessive they want it. Would I do any different?<br />
<br />
I have been working on our fall schedule. Bear will only be doing gymnastics because it is 12 hours per week. We have had to rearrange our entire daily routine because she won't be finishing gymnastics until 8:30 and she used to go to bed at 8:30. I have considered allowing her to take some type of music lesson if she is interested... Curly is back to dancing full time now. Her Dance Team practices two days a week, but that is all performance based. So I insisted she take technique classes also. I would have been happy with one hour and a half ballet class a week, but of course at her level all the studios insist on ballet twice a week. She will also take guitar if I can find a place that works with our schedule. She had to give up theater for now, because it just doesn't fit into our times...<br />
<br />
So am I any better than these psycho moms on the show? I'd like to think so because both my kids know that although I am proud of their accomplishments at dance and gymnastics, I have many other reasons to be proud of them. Also, I never coerce them to do anything. The closest thing was insisting on a technique class for Curly's dance, but she didn't really complain about that. Still sometimes I have a nagging suspicion that we could be as happy, if not happier, without all these activities. Of course then I worry that some day they would come to me and complain that I didn't support their dreams and they could have been Olympic gymnasts or prima ballerinas if only I had encouraged them...Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-56901360197508257182011-08-11T08:09:00.000-05:002011-08-11T08:09:48.330-05:00MIAIt's been a long time since I posted. There's an explanation for it, but it sounds strange. I found out people were reading my blog, and it gave me writer's block. I know that sounds terribly stupid, but it is true. It's not that I don't want people reading my stuff. I do... but every time I realize that a new person that I know reads my blog this happens.<br />
<br />
I think I start considering that person in each of my posts. What will this sound like to him or her, etc.? It ends up stifling me, and I can't write anything. In the past I have gone months without writing after gaining a new reader, but this time I am determined to get back on the horse and start writing now. <br />
<br />
So what have we been up to for the past couple weeks. Well, last weekend we had some of our oldest friends over for a BBQ. My husband has been friends with the Dad of one family since he was in fifth grade, ans I have known him since college. We watched his relationship grown, and eventually we stood up in their wedding. We became friends with the other couple right after college. They came to our wedding; we went to their wedding. We were together through our first pregnancies. In fact we had dinner with them the night before my water broke. Now, both families live a couple hours from us. This means that literally we see them once a year. John gets together with the guys a few more times per year, but not much. When we see them I have a great time, and it reminds me how much I miss them. We always make plans to meetup halfway, but it never happens. It makes me sad for a bit.<br />
<br />
In truth though I feel like there is never enough time to get together with local friends, let alone people who live far away. On the one hand I feel bad that I haven't seen my best friends from college for nearly two years, but it is just as bad that I have been trying to plan a get together with a local family all summer, and we can't come up with a night that works for all of us. It seems that everyone we know is every bit as busy as us. I guess that just makes it more special when we do get together.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-14554184745054413922011-07-30T08:40:00.000-05:002011-07-30T08:40:54.248-05:00Leadership PotentialI have never considered myself a leader. I don't like the idea of me trying to convince anyone what should happen. It is so contrary to my own belief system to say, "This is the right choice." I have always believed that any path can be the "right" one if you commit to it fully. I am not a leader, but I am a person who others count on to get things done. If you have a project, you can bet that I will see it through. In many cases "getting the job done" requires me to be a leader. The problem is that sometimes it feels like I am herding butterflies.<br />
<br />
Part of the problem is that I often associate with people who are not conformists. Homeschoolers, atheists, free thinkers all pride themselves on sharing my philosophy that we all must choose our own path. Unfortunately that makes many of them flighty and unreliable. For example, when I plan activities for my homechool group I often have no idea who is coming until the day before. Even then often the guest list has changed multiple times. I know that inflexibility is something I struggle with, but dealing with homeschoolers feels like trial by fire.<br />
<br />
<br />
The other type of person that I seem to deal with is the "senator". This term was coined by a friend to describe someone who wants to seem like the leader, but in actuality does little of the real work and instead suggests a project then delegates the work. He was speaking about one person, but as I thought about it, I realized that in all the groups I am part of there is someone like this. Most of the time I have no problem with it, since I don't really want the label of leader anyway, but on occasion it annoys me.<br />
<br />
It is especially bothersome when the senator suggests things that I know I am not capable or motivated to complete. Then I get irritated because I know that I cannot suggest a different path at that point without getting in a battle for leadership. I don't want to be in that battle, but I also don't like where we are going, and that it terribly frustrating...<br />
<br />
So as in all aspects of life I have to make a decision about who I am going to be. If I want to have control I have to be willing to take it. If I don't want to be a leader then I have to be willing to allow someone else to lead...<br />
<br />
For the time being I will just leave with this quote:<br />
<br />
<i>"People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. . . The leader works in the open, and the boss in covert. The leader leads, and the boss drives.</i>"<br />
~Theodore Roosevelt<br />
<br />
I am sure that I will never choose to be a boss, but I might be able to be a leader.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-78118637490437619272011-07-25T08:18:00.000-05:002011-07-25T08:18:45.326-05:00CYTSo the past couple weeks have been insanely busy. First the girls both had theater camp. It's just a program through our park district run by the wonderful lady. The purpose of the program is to give everyone a chance to be on stage. Curly has been doing programs with her for several years, but it was Bear's first time. They both did well and had a great time although I think Curly has outgrown the program to some extent. <br />
<br />
This past week Curly has another theater camp. The camp was a 45 minute drive from our house which presented a challenge just in getting her there. Bear still had physical therapy and gymnastics, and so, even with my Mom's help, I spent the week feeling like a taxi driver. I put over 600 miles on my car in one week. That is CRAZY.<br />
<br />
As for the camp... It was put on by Christian Youth Theater. Yeah, I know that doesn't sound like us. I was a bit wary, and John didn't like the idea at all. However, CYT puts on some of the best children's productions. Curly is interested in doing more theater, ang so I figured this would be a good litmus test without a long commitment. As it turns out I am glad we went that route. Before the first day I talked to Curly about what to do when the "religious stuff" went on. I likened it to going to dinner at someone's house. When they serve you a meal that seems "weird"; you are polite and respectful. Likewise when the group starts to pray you bow your head and keep quiet. I told her that they may even have church services. I really thought I had my bases covered...<br />
<br />
The first day when I picked her up Curly was really upset. Apparently what was listed as "team time" on the brochure was actually a brainwashing session. Now I have no problem with my kids learning about all kinds of belief systems. How else will they develop their own beliefs. The problem was that the conversation revolved around convincing non-believers to become Christians, and equating paganism to satanism. The huge quantity of misinformation given in one short hour was staggering. <br />
<br />
So I spent the rest of Monday trying to explain away the damage without condeming Christianity. See that's the problem I always have. Even though I am not a Christian, I think everyone should be able to come to their own conclusion. I don't think there is a right and wrong way to believe. I think people who feel better with God in their life should have him there. Unfortunately many other people on every side of the religion issue don't agree with me. They spend their time calling each other names and judging each other. The discussion on Monday was a very personal example for Curly, and I had to make sure that it wasn't typical of all Christians. In the end we ended up discussing things that wouldn't have come up in any other way. So I guess it was a good thing.<br />
<br />
Also, as it turns out the leader of "team talk" on Monday was just an overzealous teenager. The talks for the rest of the week were more respectful and tolerant. There was still a lot of praying and pointing to the sky. They still told the kids to practice their lines every night because Jesus wants them to, and I overheard a mother tell her son to not stand on the couch in the waiting room because God picked it out himself. But overall, it was an ok experience. We have no plans to send Curly to anything else run by CYT, but we did survive this one.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5201352571733812637.post-7799835616609427292011-07-15T06:21:00.000-05:002011-07-15T06:21:40.846-05:00Bad DreamI just woke up from a terrible dream. I have always had very graphic dreams. As a kid, at least once a month I would wake up screaming. It would take my parents forever to calm me down. Sinc emany of these were recurring nightmares I can still remember them. The one I had most often was my kindergarten teacher with no head. It was weird because even within the dream I knew it wan't possible because she was still teaching, but she shouldn't have a voice... Even though my rational mind knew, I still woke up terrified for years and years from that one.<br />
<br />
Sometimes my dreams although cryptic seem to have a small glimmer of truth to them. For example, while I was pregnant with Curly I kept having this dream that she was born the size of Thumbelina. She was perfect in every way, but she was tiny. As it turns out that wasn't all that far fetched. She was born very small, but perfect...<br />
<br />
Since I became an adult I don't have nightmares very often. Even when I do they tend to be tragic more than terrifying. I have had a few scary dreams about the kids getting hurt or lost, but overall my bad dreams are just overwhelmingly sad.<br />
<br />
Such was the case with this last one. I don't want to go into detail, but I was sobbing in the dream, and I woke up sobbing into my pillow. It was a terrible way to wake up. Sometimes after these dreams the "feeling" lasts all day. I don't want that and don't have time for that today. So how about a quick thankful list to put me in a better mood...<br />
<br />
<ol><li>I am thankful that Bear seems to be back on track with gymnastics. Last week seems liek a small hiccup now.</li>
<li>I am thankful that Curly found her new dance team. I really think she will get what she has been searching for from this group.</li>
<li>I am thankful for the 3 1/2 hours I get to myself while the girls are in camp today.</li>
<li>I am thankful John gets his bonus and raise in less than a week.</li>
<li>I am thankful for google calendar. Without it I would never get anyone where they needed to be.</li>
<li>Speaking of that, I am thankful for my van. It is a nicer vehicle than I needed, but considering how much time I spend as a chauffeur it is really nice!!!</li>
<li>I am thankful for the beautiful weather we have been having.</li>
<li>I am thankful that my family is healthy.</li>
<li>I am thankful for Bear's physical therapist who is teaching me all kinds of interesting things while she is helping Bear recover.</li>
<li>Lastly, I am thankful that it was only a bad dream!!!</li>
</ol>I remember my mom saying that when I was a kid, and it never gave me much comfort. In this case it really does.Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02302219521083651150noreply@blogger.com0