I miss being young. There I said it. I know that isn't very PC of me. I know that embracing every age is the zen thing to do. Recognizing that the experience I have as an almost 40 year old is something I wish my 25 year old self had is the right thing to say. Except that I don't buy all of that. I got married very young. 22 years old seems like a lifetime ago, and a combination of luck and perseverance have led me to enjoy a gat marriage to a great guy. It's hard to believe that a person that young would be fortunate enough to have found and chosen the right person to spend tis or her life with, but I was that fortunate. Luckily, since we were so young we waited to have kids, and so although I have always wanted kids, I was able to experience my 20s without the responsibility of them. The freedom was something I totally took for granted. I am on vacation in Las Vegas right now, and as I sit here people watching I see 25 year olds everywhere. Some are here to party, and their carefree attitude is fun to watch, but the ones I am secretly jealous of are the ones here for some type of conference. I see them walking around with diligence and purpose. I am reminded of a conference I attended in my mid 20s. I was so eager and willing to accept the expertise of the speakers. Being on my own was new and exciting and a bit scary. I felt important and grown up. I remember enjoying the idea of actually being a grown up as opposed to feeling burdened by it. I miss that feeling... And so this vacation (an early 40th birthday present from my wonderful husband) has been spent trying to reconnect with that 25 year old in me. The one who is independent and adventurous. The one who doesn't spend at least an hour of every day with her calendar and schedule. The person who doesn't expect herself to already have all the answers. Have I found her? Well, yes for the time being she is with me, but the true test is if I can keep that spirit alive when I get back home. Back to the world where I don't feel like I am pretending to be grownup because there is no doubt that I am. Back to life where I feel the need to take care of not only my kids, but my parents and even some of my friends because that is the role I have chosen for myself. And that is the real point isn't it. My 25 year old self led me to choose that role. The girl who was so enthusiastic about being a grown up needs to remember that her responsibilities represent choices she has made and continues to make. That realization might just give her the feeling of freedom she has been missing.

Another Lengthy Update

So, it's been a LONG time since I blogged here.  Believe it or not I have started to blog many times in the past two months, but each time, for some reason, I never quite made it through to publishing it.  I was talking to a friend yesterday about Bear, and I mentioned how whenever she makes a mistake she can't just erase it and go on.  Rather she has to start the entire page over because she hates the eraser marks.  I think that is part of my problem on this blog.  When I begin and then re read what I have written, it is never good enough.  So I start again and again without ever actually producing anything.

Anyway, TONS has happened since I last blogged. 

First, all my complaints about the gym only got worse.  It was bought by some people who own several other gyms.  They made it clear through all their actions that they were in it as a business venture.  Of course it is a business, but part of the reason we were there is that it is a small gym with a family type feeling.  Bear's favorite coach has been trying to open a gym herself, and this was just the motivation she needed.  When the new owners got wind of it they fired her.  Of course this makes total sense, but they did it over the phone and did not let her come back to say good bye to the kids.  For me that was the final straw.  If we had any question about staying at that gym or leaving, their behavior made it an easy decision.  Pretty much the whole team felt the same, but of course there was some drama about when we would leave which I won't go into.  Bottom line is we are all out now, and the girls are practicing at a temporary gym with the favorite coach.  Her gym is slated to open July 2nd, but I would be shocked surprised if that actually happened.

Curly's dance season went pretty much as expected.  She enjoyed it, but I am not sure she is growing as a dancer.  It's not that she couldn't have learned things from the experience.  Even though her technique is superior to the other dancers, she could have learned a lot about stage presence from them, but she didn't really seem up to it this year.  Her interest in dance is changing, and I am not sure whether it is the result of her competitive company's lackadaisical attitude, or maybe it is just a natural progression.  She seems happy enough about it, and so I have made a conscious decision to relax about it too.  I have always insisted she take ballet, but for next year I am not making her take it.  That class cost more than her competitive dance, and frankly she doesn't need it to perform at the level they do.

We finished our school year (sort of).  The girls both have a bit of math to finish, but I am not worried about it.  They also took some spring workshops at the co-op that many of our friends attended this past year.  They both enjoyed it.  So we have enrolled them for the fall, and they will spend every Monday morning in a classroom type environment.  Speaking of fall I am very excited about it.  I can't remember looking forward to a schedule with anything, but dread.  However, in the fall our schedule is actually beautiful.  The girls have co-op on Monday morning, lots of activities on Tuesday afternoon/evening, gymnastics on Thursday afternoon/evening, and activities on Saturday morning.  Fridays we will be participating several once a month groups which sound like a lot of fun, and that leaves Wednesdays for field trips.  Our weekends are free from 1:00 on Saturday.  Plus we can have dinner together 5 nights a week! 

I also have figured out what we will be doing for our school year.  The girls will continue with Teaching Textbooks for math.  Neither one of them LOVES is, but they don't hate it either, and that's the best I can do for now.  The only other "curriculum" I plan to use is a new program designed to prepare kids for problem based learning.  It is called Inquire, and I am excited about it.  All along I have wanted the girls to take more ownership in their learning, but the problem has been that they didn't always have the tools.  This program is designed to tech them those skills.  I know Curly will like it, and I am hopeful that Bear will too.


Ok so forgive any grammatical or logical errors in this post, but I am not going to reread.  If I do I knwo I won't ever get it published