Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I am sad...

I have tried to sleep... it isn't working
I have tried yoga... I can't even breathe right let alone do a pose
I have tried thinking... it just makes my head hurt
I guess the last resort is to type...

I need to remember that the world's happiness is not mine to give or take away. Only my own happiness is mine. I have many reasons to be happy...

My amazing marriage. In less than a month we will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary. He knows exactly how to help me through any problem. He understands when I need to be left alone; he knows when I need a hug; he knows when I need a devil's advocate. He just knows...

My beautiful daughters. Even on days when I feel at my wits end they will do something or say something that makes me smile. Q-bert is so loving and empathetic. Even her little neurosis make me love her more. Bear, my little ball of energy, the way she looks at world from an entirely different angle makes me adore her.

My parents. I am lucky enough to really know my parents as an adult. I love the relationship they have with my kids. They show me respect and give me praise when I need it even now. My Mom still gives me great advice on a regular basis. The cool thing is that she takes advice from me too. I could count on my Dad for anything. I have no doubt he would give up his life to save me or my kids in a heartbeat.

My in-laws. As I listen to others talk about their in-laws I realize how lucky I am. My in-laws come to my house and are appreciative, not demanding. Even though many of our life choices confuse them or even upset them, they don't jab at me about them. They love my kids.

Extended family. Although I do not see my extended family weekly or even monthly, I do see them several times per year. It is always comfortable. I love it that my kids know their third cousins and great uncles and great aunts.

A couple of great friends. I am not the person to let large numbers of people into my inner circle. Maybe it's because I have such great family ties, but I do have a small number of people to share with. Some I have known for a long time; some I have known for a relatively short time. It is nice to have people who I can just sit and chat with (or be quiet with) and feel good.

A wide circle of close aquaintances. I move in a lot of different circles, and it's nice to know that almost everywhere I go I have someone who will say hello. I am not always the best about meeting new people, but I have ventured out enough that, at least for now, I can feel comfortable in the places I frequent.

So as I read back over the list I realize I have nothing to be sad about really... I wish I could believe me.

Despair is the conclusion of fools.

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