I just woke up from a horrible dream. I've been having similar dreams on and off my whole life, but they got especially bad after I had kids. I call them the incompetence dreams. You know, the ones where you do everything wrong? Well, last night's was a doozie! It started with me losing my clothes in a public changing room. Then I dropped a hot iron on someone's toe. It went on and on finally ending with me losing my kids in a restaurant. I hate these types of dreams, and when I wake up I feel so awful.
This morning was no different. After the dream I got up, and got on my laptop. I figured I could catch up on some of the blogs I read. The first one I came to was from one of my close friends, and it was about how fear and lack of confidence can cause a person to miss out on lots of things. Considering I am sure that my incompetence dreams are rooted in a fear of failure the timing was perfect.
I struggled with confidence when I was a kid, but once I got to high school I felt good about who I was. At that time I met people who were good for me. They thought I was great. The things which made me special were appreciated. It was such a relief to be liked for being me.
That experience changed me. It made me realize that I am a worthwhile person. I am not perfect, but there are people who don't expect me to be. These same people even find some of the ways I am not perfect endearing. I have chosen to surround myself with these people. I have no problem chatting with just about anyone, but if I am going to invest in really getting to know someone I need to know that they will be good for me. I cannot allow people whose goal is to tear others down into my life.
Luckily I have found a few people who fit the bill. Obviously, my husband is good for my ego, but I also have a small circle of friends who I genuinely like and care about. So today I am thankful for people I can be myself with (even if I am a nerd). I just hope that those around me realize that I feel the same about them.