As usual time is giving me trouble. This summer has been as far from what I wanted it to be as possible. From the time we got back from Florida I have felt like I was rushing to beat the clock. I feel late all the time. I know this is stupid because nothing we do is so all fire important that I need to get worked up about it, but after having a little taste of what I want summer to be this past weekend I can really feel what I am missing.
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt about my best friend from high school. We met up by chance at a mall, and although we hadn't really spoken much in the past 15 years, it felt like old times. It was wonderful and amazing.
Part of what I have been missing this summer is having that close friendship. I really wanted to spend long leisurely afternoons on the deck with friends, just hanging out. But we are all so wrapped up in their own lives, that can't happen. It sucks because the obligations we have towards gymnastics, dance, etc. take precedence over the fun stuff we want to do so that eventually we are forced to make choices between things when we want to do them all. It can be very frustrating.
I know recently I have been having problems because I am tired of choosing between things I want to do. Our calendar is so full of things that I helped schedule, but most of them aren't for me. Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to have their dreams. Still I feel like their dreams are sacrificing the lifestyle I want for our family.
So yesterday I went crazy. Simply by luck Curly had to be pulled out of one of her dance classes. I decided to take a break from Bear's private lessons. I decided that I need to schedule the things I want just like I do for their activities. So today when I get to sit on the deck and visit with a good friend we're going to plan for more leisurely afternoons because right now THAT is MY dream.
*** Today I am thankful for good friends***