Last week we went to see the movie Dolphin Tale and this post has been marinating in my brain for the past week. I'm not one to wax poetic about movies in general. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE movies. In fact lately, I feel as though I really miss the experience of going to the theater. However, most movies really don't stick with me. I think my brain just doesn't commit them to long term memory. My husband teases me that I can rewatch a movie within months of originally seeing it and still be surprised by the plot.
The plot of Dolphin Tale didn't have any plot twists. It begins with dolphins in wild swimming free. There is lots of great ocean imagery which I love. I swear I could sit and watch ocean documentaries every day. We get introduced to Winter as a curious fun loving juvenile dolphin. Eventually her curiosity get her tail stuck in a crab trap. There is a very touching scene when Sawyer, an 11 year old boy, finds her washed up on the beach. He calls a local marine rescue and the two bond while she heals. Her tail is badly infected and has to be removed, but Winter leans to swim without it. Unfortunately, the side to side motion she uses begins to damage her spinal chord. The rest of the movie is spent trying to get Winter a prosthetic that she doesn't reject. There is a very scary hurricane too. Of course it ends happily as most kids' movies do, and it was pretty cheesy. For some reason it didn't bother me though. The movie could have been like any other kid movie, but there were three things that made it stand apart for me.
There was a wonderful cast of characters in this movie, and it did include Ashley Judd and Harry Connick Jr. both of whom I LOVE, but I was most impressed with the main kid characters. As I mentioned there is an 11 year old boy named Sawyer. He is a battling some sadness because his Dad left and didn't come back. There is a great relationship between him and his cousin who is about to be deployed in the military. The true magic happens between Sawyer and 11 year old Hazel. She is the daughter of the main marine rescuer. The two could not be more different. He goes to school; she is homeschooled. He is quiet; she is very talkative. He is rigid; she is a free spirit. They do bond over Winter, and because they both know what it is like to lose a parent. The great thing is that there is never any sexual tension between them. They interact like kids should interact. In fact it almost seems that they picked two actors who looked bit alike to foster a brother sister type bond. After all the Disney shows and movies that act like all 11 year old are waiting to jump each other's bones. It was so refreshing to see a movie that showed kids as something other than pre-teens.
The character of Hazel was particularly likable. They mention, in passing, that she is homeschooled, but never mention it again. Then they paint a picture of this driven, courageous, creative kind little girl. She is everything I hope to foster in my own girls. The whole time whether the audience realizes it or not, the fact that she is a homeschooler is forming positive connections in their brains. I love that they were so subtle with it. Sometimes movies are so in your face with the messages that people reject them immediately. In this case the movie doesn't say, "Homeschooled kids are great!" Instead it shows you that Hazel is great, and then allows the audience to draw their own conclusions.
For me the best part was that it was an inspirational movie that didn't alienate non-Christians. I don't believe that a belief in God is necessary for people to do great things. I think that people are driven to be kind and brave because it feels good, but most times the main characters in inspirational movies turn to God for support. I have no problem with that, but it was nice to see a movie that allowed the characters to do great things because of human nature instead of the promise of a place in heaven.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
There's More Than One Way to Skin a Cat
I was raised by a fairly judgmental mother. It's funny because now she is so much more open minded that it actually surprises me when she reverts back to her old ways. As with all people I think I carried some of that self righteousness into adulthood. When I was a teacher, I was extremely irritated to watch parents make such gigantic mistakes. It seemed to me that they must not even be trying. Then I had my own kids...
Curly was a wonderful baby... as long as you never out her down. So my instinct was to keep holding her. In truth I held her for at least 3 months straight. was that the "right" thing to do? Hmmm well maybe it helped know that she was loves and could trust that someone would always be there for her... Or maybe it kept her from learning to comfort herself, and it is the reason even now at nearly 10 years old she struggles with that skill.
As a baby Bear was a happier baby when she had some space. So I held her much less. In her case, since Curly was still only 2 (and I've mentioned how she clung to me) it was good that Bear wasn't a clingy child. And maybe the space I gave her as an infant allowed her to become the independent child she is today... Or maybe it caused her to question whether anyone else is actually there for her and keeps her from asking for help today.
My point is that in both cases I did my best. I made the choices I thought were right at the time and hoped for the best. I came to realize that parenting is not a one size fits all experience. I look at my cousins and I who were all raised in vastly different ways, and for the most part we all turned out to be good people and good parents ourselves. It is obvious that as long as a child knows he or she is loved and can honestly say that his or her parents did their best they will turn out ok. So why do people insist there is a "right" way to parent?
The same holds true for homeschooling. I have tried different ways of homeschooling. They range from classical to unschooling, and we have found an eclectic mix that fits our family's needs. I try very hard to not judge other people's methods. It turned out that classical was far to rigid for my kids. There weren't enough opportunities for self expression early on, and so we decided to try something else. Unschooling felt like flying without a parachute to me. Actually both Curly and I felt lost without a plan. I have seen unschooling work for people, but I am too much of a control freak to trust on the process. We all loved the unit study approach but found it difficult to keep up with preparing for each unit. Finally we tried a balanced approach. We use fairly traditional methods and materials for math, writing, and spelling. I look at these things as skill based, and I believe that skills can be taught and need to be practiced regularly. All the other subjects, art, music, history, science, geography, social studies, etc. we learn through experience. I try to arrange a rich life with plenty of opportunities to hear, see, smell, taste and touch. Because these other subjects are knowledge based experiential learning ensures that facts are connected to something real. In this way they are more likely to stick.
So why am I making a big deal about this now? Because at much as I try to have a live and let live approach to life I feel judged regularly by unschoolers. Not as much by the ones I know in real life, but by the ones who's blogs I read. They act as if the only way to truly embrace life is to be an unschoolers and the rest of us are just sheep. I have experienced more bigotry from them than from anyone who questions whether homeschooling is a good idea.
My question is why? As homeschoolers we all struggle with moments of insecurities. In fact, this applies to us as human beings in general. So why do we judge others? Does it make us feel less insecure about our own decisions to bash other people's. Wouldn't it make more sense to assume that we are all doing the best we can with the information and wisdom we have. We all chose to step off the beaten path, and follow our own instincts. We need to remember that there are as many different new trails as there are people to blaze them.
Curly was a wonderful baby... as long as you never out her down. So my instinct was to keep holding her. In truth I held her for at least 3 months straight. was that the "right" thing to do? Hmmm well maybe it helped know that she was loves and could trust that someone would always be there for her... Or maybe it kept her from learning to comfort herself, and it is the reason even now at nearly 10 years old she struggles with that skill.
As a baby Bear was a happier baby when she had some space. So I held her much less. In her case, since Curly was still only 2 (and I've mentioned how she clung to me) it was good that Bear wasn't a clingy child. And maybe the space I gave her as an infant allowed her to become the independent child she is today... Or maybe it caused her to question whether anyone else is actually there for her and keeps her from asking for help today.
My point is that in both cases I did my best. I made the choices I thought were right at the time and hoped for the best. I came to realize that parenting is not a one size fits all experience. I look at my cousins and I who were all raised in vastly different ways, and for the most part we all turned out to be good people and good parents ourselves. It is obvious that as long as a child knows he or she is loved and can honestly say that his or her parents did their best they will turn out ok. So why do people insist there is a "right" way to parent?
The same holds true for homeschooling. I have tried different ways of homeschooling. They range from classical to unschooling, and we have found an eclectic mix that fits our family's needs. I try very hard to not judge other people's methods. It turned out that classical was far to rigid for my kids. There weren't enough opportunities for self expression early on, and so we decided to try something else. Unschooling felt like flying without a parachute to me. Actually both Curly and I felt lost without a plan. I have seen unschooling work for people, but I am too much of a control freak to trust on the process. We all loved the unit study approach but found it difficult to keep up with preparing for each unit. Finally we tried a balanced approach. We use fairly traditional methods and materials for math, writing, and spelling. I look at these things as skill based, and I believe that skills can be taught and need to be practiced regularly. All the other subjects, art, music, history, science, geography, social studies, etc. we learn through experience. I try to arrange a rich life with plenty of opportunities to hear, see, smell, taste and touch. Because these other subjects are knowledge based experiential learning ensures that facts are connected to something real. In this way they are more likely to stick.
So why am I making a big deal about this now? Because at much as I try to have a live and let live approach to life I feel judged regularly by unschoolers. Not as much by the ones I know in real life, but by the ones who's blogs I read. They act as if the only way to truly embrace life is to be an unschoolers and the rest of us are just sheep. I have experienced more bigotry from them than from anyone who questions whether homeschooling is a good idea.
My question is why? As homeschoolers we all struggle with moments of insecurities. In fact, this applies to us as human beings in general. So why do we judge others? Does it make us feel less insecure about our own decisions to bash other people's. Wouldn't it make more sense to assume that we are all doing the best we can with the information and wisdom we have. We all chose to step off the beaten path, and follow our own instincts. We need to remember that there are as many different new trails as there are people to blaze them.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
What's Wrong With the Pubic School?
I've been pondering the state of education lately. Obviously the system is failing in many ways. Nearly everyone agrees on that. Of course, the specifics of how and why it is failing are another matter all together...
Being a former teacher who now homeschools I think I may have a different insight into it. The simple answer is that school fail because we cannot agree on what they are supposed to be succeeding at. Each individual, whether it be a school official, teacher, parent or student has his or her own idea of what a successful school would be.
Just ask a group of homeschoolers why they homeschool. There will be as many different answers as there are people in the group. Some want to shelter their child from alternative viewpoints. Some think the schools force kids to conform too much. Some think it lacks the structure and intensity that children need. Some believe that kids time is better spent pursuing their own interests. The list goes on and on.
And so it goes with people discussing the public school. The school day too long, or maybe too short. The curriculum is too rigid, or is it too flexible? Do we test too much or too little? Does the school get too involved in teaching morality or not involved enough? Do we spend too much money or too little. Should we invest more in remedial education or gifted programming? Why do we have these unanswerable questions?
The news is always comparing us to "other" industrialized nations, and we come up short. Why? Let's look at those nations... Korea, Japan, Finland... All ethnically and culturally homogenized countries. Of course it is easier to meet the needs and wants of similar people than it is to meet the needs and wants of a motley crew of assorted groups cobbled together from years of immigration. We are doomed to fail from the beginning. There is no way to keep our diversity and take a one size fits all approach.
So can it be fixed? Obviously, I don't think it will be fixed any time soon. That is the true reason I homeschool. I have no expectations that the public school would meet my wants for my kids. Until, more opportunities for charter schools are available I think things will continue as they have for decades. Lots of well meaning passionate people will continue arguing points that are all valid for some students. The pendulum on each issue will make giant swings from side to side, and no one will emerge entirely satisfied.
Being a former teacher who now homeschools I think I may have a different insight into it. The simple answer is that school fail because we cannot agree on what they are supposed to be succeeding at. Each individual, whether it be a school official, teacher, parent or student has his or her own idea of what a successful school would be.
Just ask a group of homeschoolers why they homeschool. There will be as many different answers as there are people in the group. Some want to shelter their child from alternative viewpoints. Some think the schools force kids to conform too much. Some think it lacks the structure and intensity that children need. Some believe that kids time is better spent pursuing their own interests. The list goes on and on.
And so it goes with people discussing the public school. The school day too long, or maybe too short. The curriculum is too rigid, or is it too flexible? Do we test too much or too little? Does the school get too involved in teaching morality or not involved enough? Do we spend too much money or too little. Should we invest more in remedial education or gifted programming? Why do we have these unanswerable questions?
The news is always comparing us to "other" industrialized nations, and we come up short. Why? Let's look at those nations... Korea, Japan, Finland... All ethnically and culturally homogenized countries. Of course it is easier to meet the needs and wants of similar people than it is to meet the needs and wants of a motley crew of assorted groups cobbled together from years of immigration. We are doomed to fail from the beginning. There is no way to keep our diversity and take a one size fits all approach.
So can it be fixed? Obviously, I don't think it will be fixed any time soon. That is the true reason I homeschool. I have no expectations that the public school would meet my wants for my kids. Until, more opportunities for charter schools are available I think things will continue as they have for decades. Lots of well meaning passionate people will continue arguing points that are all valid for some students. The pendulum on each issue will make giant swings from side to side, and no one will emerge entirely satisfied.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Back to School
We started school this week, and so far it is going very well. The girls both seem to like Teaching Textbooks, although it seems pretty light. We are also doing Math Minutes like they do in public school. Each day the girls get a page of math facts. The idea is to finish the sheet in one minute. They both made the addition goal today. I added an opening writing prompt to our day too. Of course Curly Loves it, but Bear is struggling somewhat. I think that she will get the hang of it quickly.
So that's the school side of things. In other news, they are trying to change Bear's gymnastics schedule. We got the fall schedule in late June or early July. So I figured it was a done deal. I planned all of our lives around that schedule! Now, since school started, people are having a hard time with balancing school and gymnastics. I get it. I have said from the beginning that I can't imagine Bear going to public school and keeping her hectic gymnastics schedule. Still I am really irritated that this wasn't discussed a month or more ago.
I am not a flexible person. I know that, and I do try to work on it. In this case I don't think am being unreasonable though. Still it looks like it is going to happen, so I may as well get used to it. I am just really hoping that they don't schedule it for Sunday. That is our family time. I really don't want to give them up for gymnastics!
I am also bummed because I had the option of going out with friends for a ghost tour on Saturday, but I had to decline. Sunday morning I have to help my Dad run the car show he does every year. I really hate that thing, but he doesn't ask for anything and so I can't say no. We actually do the pictures. John is the photographer, and I take car of the computer side of things. It's not really that big of a deal, but I get nervous about it every year.
Ok so that's a quick update. This weekend will be crazy so I probably won't blog again until early next week. It's getting close to Sept. so I will update you on my resolutions again. I know you can't wait :-)
So that's the school side of things. In other news, they are trying to change Bear's gymnastics schedule. We got the fall schedule in late June or early July. So I figured it was a done deal. I planned all of our lives around that schedule! Now, since school started, people are having a hard time with balancing school and gymnastics. I get it. I have said from the beginning that I can't imagine Bear going to public school and keeping her hectic gymnastics schedule. Still I am really irritated that this wasn't discussed a month or more ago.
I am not a flexible person. I know that, and I do try to work on it. In this case I don't think am being unreasonable though. Still it looks like it is going to happen, so I may as well get used to it. I am just really hoping that they don't schedule it for Sunday. That is our family time. I really don't want to give them up for gymnastics!
I am also bummed because I had the option of going out with friends for a ghost tour on Saturday, but I had to decline. Sunday morning I have to help my Dad run the car show he does every year. I really hate that thing, but he doesn't ask for anything and so I can't say no. We actually do the pictures. John is the photographer, and I take car of the computer side of things. It's not really that big of a deal, but I get nervous about it every year.
Ok so that's a quick update. This weekend will be crazy so I probably won't blog again until early next week. It's getting close to Sept. so I will update you on my resolutions again. I know you can't wait :-)
Friday, August 19, 2011
Being a Parent is...
Being a parent is...
The hardest thing I have ever done.
Being a taxi driver, chef, cleaning lady and counselor.
Messy.
The most important thing to me right now.
Unbelievably time consuming.
Constant second guessing.
Hard on my social life.
Hard on my love life.
The best part of my day.
The worst part of my day.
The biggest blow to my self confidence.
Self inflicted punishment.
Something I could not live without.
Not what I expected.
Expensive.
Utter choas.
The most rewarding thing I have ever done.
I just need to remember that every day :-)
My kids aren't perfect, but neither am I. Hopefully we can all give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are doing our best!
The hardest thing I have ever done.
Being a taxi driver, chef, cleaning lady and counselor.
Messy.
The most important thing to me right now.
Unbelievably time consuming.
Constant second guessing.
Hard on my social life.
Hard on my love life.
The best part of my day.
The worst part of my day.
The biggest blow to my self confidence.
Self inflicted punishment.
Something I could not live without.
Not what I expected.
Expensive.
Utter choas.
The most rewarding thing I have ever done.
I just need to remember that every day :-)
My kids aren't perfect, but neither am I. Hopefully we can all give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are doing our best!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Extreme Parenting
As I mentioned before Curly Q. is going through some horrible times. Part of me knows it is mostly normal tween hormonal crap; I see many of her friends going through the same things. Part of me wants to take up corporeal punishment or send her off to military school. Always before I could count on her intelligence to help her see futility in being too argumentative, but lately even that doesn't help her.
It started about 6 months ago with eye rolling and grunting when she didn't like what was being said. I tried to deal with that, but I guess I was so surprised to see her standing up for herself that I didn't do too much to squelch it. I guess I chalked it up to freedom of expression, and didn't worry too much about it. Later I started to see her getting a bit physical with her sister. She would grab things from her or push her out of the way. I see other siblings behave that way, so once again I wasn't too worried. Obviously I disciplined her for it, but I didn't see it as a bigger problem. Finally came the outright defiance. It is pretty new, but it has me scrambling as to what to do now.
Curly Q. has always been an empathetic kid. She never would intentionally harm someone, and if she accidentally even hurt someone's feelings she would apologize immediately. She would stress over anyone who was down or upset. She took blame upon herself when it wasn't hers to take. I worried sometimes that she was too eager to take the blame.
Recently, however, she refuses to admit to any wrong doing. I've tried to talk to her about it in regards to situations that do not involve me, and all she will say is, "I didn't do anything wrong." Even when I tried to point out things that I know she understands are wrong, she will only admit to responding to someone else's wrongdoing.
It makes it impossible to discipline her. I am not an authoritarian parent. I discipline only to educate my kids. I see my job as someone to help them grow into the best person they can be. That won't work the kids don't understand what they did wrong, and why it was wrong. So what do I do next?
So far I have tried positive parenting. I try to notice all the good things she does. I know she appreciates that, but it didn't seem to shape her behavior. Next I tried punishments. She loves her laptop so I tried taking that away. That worked while the punishments were in place, but I didn't feel like it made any long term change in her attitude. I feel like I need to do something radical...
So this morning, after she got completely mad at me about something, then refused to admit that she had been disrespectful I decided to ignore her. Not totally, but as I explained it to her, I have no expectations for her so she should have no expectations of me. When I made lunch I didn't make any for her. When I brought the laundry up for folding, I put hers in the chair in her room and let her know they were there.
At first she didn't even notice, but then she asked if I was mad at her. I told her no, but that I was tired of doing all these things for someone with so little respect for me. Tonight I will send her an e-mail. In it I will try to explain the lesson I am hoping she will learn from this. I have no idea if this will work any better than the other things I have tried, but I have to keep trying!
It started about 6 months ago with eye rolling and grunting when she didn't like what was being said. I tried to deal with that, but I guess I was so surprised to see her standing up for herself that I didn't do too much to squelch it. I guess I chalked it up to freedom of expression, and didn't worry too much about it. Later I started to see her getting a bit physical with her sister. She would grab things from her or push her out of the way. I see other siblings behave that way, so once again I wasn't too worried. Obviously I disciplined her for it, but I didn't see it as a bigger problem. Finally came the outright defiance. It is pretty new, but it has me scrambling as to what to do now.
Curly Q. has always been an empathetic kid. She never would intentionally harm someone, and if she accidentally even hurt someone's feelings she would apologize immediately. She would stress over anyone who was down or upset. She took blame upon herself when it wasn't hers to take. I worried sometimes that she was too eager to take the blame.
Recently, however, she refuses to admit to any wrong doing. I've tried to talk to her about it in regards to situations that do not involve me, and all she will say is, "I didn't do anything wrong." Even when I tried to point out things that I know she understands are wrong, she will only admit to responding to someone else's wrongdoing.
It makes it impossible to discipline her. I am not an authoritarian parent. I discipline only to educate my kids. I see my job as someone to help them grow into the best person they can be. That won't work the kids don't understand what they did wrong, and why it was wrong. So what do I do next?
So far I have tried positive parenting. I try to notice all the good things she does. I know she appreciates that, but it didn't seem to shape her behavior. Next I tried punishments. She loves her laptop so I tried taking that away. That worked while the punishments were in place, but I didn't feel like it made any long term change in her attitude. I feel like I need to do something radical...
So this morning, after she got completely mad at me about something, then refused to admit that she had been disrespectful I decided to ignore her. Not totally, but as I explained it to her, I have no expectations for her so she should have no expectations of me. When I made lunch I didn't make any for her. When I brought the laundry up for folding, I put hers in the chair in her room and let her know they were there.
At first she didn't even notice, but then she asked if I was mad at her. I told her no, but that I was tired of doing all these things for someone with so little respect for me. Tonight I will send her an e-mail. In it I will try to explain the lesson I am hoping she will learn from this. I have no idea if this will work any better than the other things I have tried, but I have to keep trying!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I Have A Dream...
I have a dream of the perfect homeschool group for Curly Q. I also have a dream of the perfect homeschool group for Bear. They are nothing alike! This makes our homeschool journey so much more difficult.
That was the initial opening to this post, but as I lined out the "perfect groups" I realized that they could be aligned more than I realized. Here's what I came up with...
The biggest problem as far as I can see is the biggest problem I have in the world. Time is limited! I would love to say that one day per week could be field trip day and one day could be meeting day, but no one can devote two days a week to this (even if it was their perfect group too). So that leaves it to one day per week...
So, what if we alternated one week is discussion/sharing and the next is a field trip. Charity projects could be discussed during the sharing sessions, and we would have to schedule them separately. We would need one person to run each age group, and there would be 2-4 age groups (preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school). I know many people don't like the idea of age division, and I don't think that the boundries should be set in stone. I do think that each age group can be customized to the needs of it's members better if their interests are at similar levels.
So what do you think? Could it work? Is it a pipe dream?
That was the initial opening to this post, but as I lined out the "perfect groups" I realized that they could be aligned more than I realized. Here's what I came up with...
- Our perfect group needs more members. Both my kids, and in fact all the kids currently in our group, would benefit from a larger circle. It would give everyone more opportunities to try different things, and it would keep any one person from feeling left out. I also believe that it would give each child more opportunities to be leaders. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but because there are more people to follow more people can lead. Also, because I think they would benefit from being divided into younger and older groups we need more people to fill in those group.
- Our perfect group would have a discussion group for middle school kids. Ideally there would be a group of at least 10 diverse kids aged 10+ ish. They could spend time talking about books, philosophical lessons such as those from this book, and even decision making lessons like these. In this way the kids would have a place to bounce around all those ideas that are crammed into their little heads. They can have opportunities to view the world from other people's vantage points. We would have to have a similar group for the younger set with more age appropriate topics and materials.
- Our group would have lots of opportunities for sharing. Anything that the kids had been working on art, writing, special collections, monologues, music, etc. The kids would become a great support place. Also, having a place to "show off" is a great motivator. Creating for the sake of creating is nice, but pats on the back make it that much better.
- The group would regularly take on charity projects. These would decided upon by the whole group. Once again, the more opportunities for the kids to see other types of people the better. I know my kids have benefited greatly from the few times they have volunteered.
- We would have a nice mix of educational and recreational field trips. This way the group can satisfy their need for knowledge and their need for socializing. Some days we will visit a museum. Some days we will visit a playground or even the mall.
The biggest problem as far as I can see is the biggest problem I have in the world. Time is limited! I would love to say that one day per week could be field trip day and one day could be meeting day, but no one can devote two days a week to this (even if it was their perfect group too). So that leaves it to one day per week...
So, what if we alternated one week is discussion/sharing and the next is a field trip. Charity projects could be discussed during the sharing sessions, and we would have to schedule them separately. We would need one person to run each age group, and there would be 2-4 age groups (preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school). I know many people don't like the idea of age division, and I don't think that the boundries should be set in stone. I do think that each age group can be customized to the needs of it's members better if their interests are at similar levels.
So what do you think? Could it work? Is it a pipe dream?
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