One thing homeschooling moms lack is alone time. While all my public school friends have roughly 1200 hours to themselves each year I feel lucky to get 2 minutes alone to use the bathroom. It never fails that as soon as I disappear to change loads of laundry or god forbid take a shower, someone comes looking for me. I can only guess that they are afraid that I have hidden a giant stash of oreos behind the washing machine, and that I keep a ziplock baggies full of pudding in the shower drain. Of course they are mistaken. Those things are actually hidden under my bed...
Obviously this leads to me sometimes crave solitude like a fat man craves a big mac. I dream of visiting a coffee shop and sitting there as a lady of leisure with a book for hours. I imagine myself walking around a shopping mall without anyone begging for to go to the Disney store. I'd settle for a moment on the toilet without anyone knocking on the door.
There are those rare moments when I catch a break, and the kids are gone to a sleepover or playdate. On those days you would expect me to be in heaven, and it is nice to get up in the morning and not be climbed on immediately. Still the way I feel on those days makes me wonder if I have forgotten how to be alone. For example, this morning my kids are at Gramma's house. When I awoke at 6:00 I got out of bed because that is usually the only alone time I get, but then I realized that I would be alone for a few hours today. I considered going back to bed, but it was too late. I was wide awake by then. I spent the next hour trying to decide what to do with my time. It was like the freedom paralyzed me. Finally I settled on blogging, but now that I am nearly done I am faced with the same dilemma. Usually all of my time is devoted to what I have to do; so that I am not able to decide what I want to do when the opportunity to choose presents itself. Maybe I'll go back to bed...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Every Burden is a Blessing
That is what Q-bert's fortune cookie said last night, and I thought it was a perfect end to yesterday.
My Dad is a car fanatic. Seriously! I mean he comes from a family all with their own addictions, and cars are his. He owns a car restoration shop. He spends several nights a week going to cruise nights around town, and he spends nearly every weekend at a car show. So you can imagine his summers are just a giant string of car related experiences. For him they all lead up to HIS car show. He belongs to a group of other car addicts, and every summer around this time of year they host their own car show. When it started I was fairly involved with helping in many different ways (making flyers, assembling goodie bags, helping the photographer, etc.) All that changed when I had kids. They took up a lot of my time, and so I couldn't really devote any time to the car show. Until this year...
I really wanted to say NO when my Dad asked, but he never says no when I ask him for something, and so I nodded. What he was asking was kind of huge. The man who runs the photography booth at the car show was not able to do it this year, and so my Dad wanted me to do it. He gave me plenty of notice, and so I had plenty of time to dread it. And dread it I did. Every once in a while it would creep into my mind, and my stomach would tie itself into knots. It had been so long since I had even helped out at the photo booth. My only memories were of dealing with exceptionally picky car buffs. Also, the man who normally runs the booth is extremely disorganized, and I remember it being very hard to keep everything straight. So as the summer pressed on I kept praying for rain!
As it turns out my fears were totally unfounded. Thanks to my husband the tech guru organizing the picture files was a piece of cake. I also had a moment of brilliance in organizing the preview sheets. Plus, my uncle stepped up and ran the customer side of things so perfectly that I had no worries at all. Also, the picture quality was great which led to many satisfied customers. In fact, the only problem at all was that the humidity kept the pictures from drying as quickly as we would have liked. We made more money than I was expecting too; and my dear husband, who worked every bit as hard as I did, gave me all the profits to use on our house.
My Dad is a car fanatic. Seriously! I mean he comes from a family all with their own addictions, and cars are his. He owns a car restoration shop. He spends several nights a week going to cruise nights around town, and he spends nearly every weekend at a car show. So you can imagine his summers are just a giant string of car related experiences. For him they all lead up to HIS car show. He belongs to a group of other car addicts, and every summer around this time of year they host their own car show. When it started I was fairly involved with helping in many different ways (making flyers, assembling goodie bags, helping the photographer, etc.) All that changed when I had kids. They took up a lot of my time, and so I couldn't really devote any time to the car show. Until this year...
I really wanted to say NO when my Dad asked, but he never says no when I ask him for something, and so I nodded. What he was asking was kind of huge. The man who runs the photography booth at the car show was not able to do it this year, and so my Dad wanted me to do it. He gave me plenty of notice, and so I had plenty of time to dread it. And dread it I did. Every once in a while it would creep into my mind, and my stomach would tie itself into knots. It had been so long since I had even helped out at the photo booth. My only memories were of dealing with exceptionally picky car buffs. Also, the man who normally runs the booth is extremely disorganized, and I remember it being very hard to keep everything straight. So as the summer pressed on I kept praying for rain!
As it turns out my fears were totally unfounded. Thanks to my husband the tech guru organizing the picture files was a piece of cake. I also had a moment of brilliance in organizing the preview sheets. Plus, my uncle stepped up and ran the customer side of things so perfectly that I had no worries at all. Also, the picture quality was great which led to many satisfied customers. In fact, the only problem at all was that the humidity kept the pictures from drying as quickly as we would have liked. We made more money than I was expecting too; and my dear husband, who worked every bit as hard as I did, gave me all the profits to use on our house.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Mark Twain
I read recently that Mark Twain only committed himself to writing 200 words a day. I think that is a goal even I could reach, but before I committed to it as well I wanted to check out whether it was factual or not. Unfortunately I never did find that goal stated anywhere else, but I did stumble across a biography of Twain that got me thinking.
I remember learning about Twain in college. My studies said he was a brash, racist alcoholic, but after reading this biography I realized that the motivations behind his actions make it harder to fully label him. Yes, he joined the militia to fight for the south during the civil was, but he did desert after 3 weeks and run away to neutral territory. Yes, he consorted with bohemians while trying prospecting for silver, but he was still in his 20s, and who among us would like to be judged by what we did at that age? There are many examples that can all be refuted with reasoning.
Anyway, it got me to thinking. What if all our reputations were distilled down to three little words with out any explanations allowed? What would my label be? What would I label others?
And there are my 200 words... That wasn't too hard!
I remember learning about Twain in college. My studies said he was a brash, racist alcoholic, but after reading this biography I realized that the motivations behind his actions make it harder to fully label him. Yes, he joined the militia to fight for the south during the civil was, but he did desert after 3 weeks and run away to neutral territory. Yes, he consorted with bohemians while trying prospecting for silver, but he was still in his 20s, and who among us would like to be judged by what we did at that age? There are many examples that can all be refuted with reasoning.
Anyway, it got me to thinking. What if all our reputations were distilled down to three little words with out any explanations allowed? What would my label be? What would I label others?
And there are my 200 words... That wasn't too hard!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast
So, at the end of last "school year" I had made up my mind to be done dealing with people who just want to bitch. I will say it has worked pretty well, and that chapter of my life seems to be over. I will say that it was trial by fire, and I feel that I learned a lot and am much stronger now...
As for my great relaxing summer... well, that didn't exactly happen. Bear got asked again to be on team at her gym, and this time she was begging me to let her. I was so excited when Q-bert decided to quit competitive dance that I almost cried at the prospect of another competitive sport. Still, I couldn't crush her little dreams, and so we spent the summer at the gym. She was on the pre-team so she only had to practice 10 hours per week spread over 3 days. Yeah, I said only. As you move up through the levels the girls practice more and more; eventually, they practice for over 20 hours a week!
She loves it, and although I thought it was an awfully big time commitment, Bear was begging for more. She spent her free time doing flips on our trampoline and practicing her vault on my couch. Towards the end of the summer they decided to move her up. This was a great honor, but since we were expecting her to be on pre-team for a whole year I was thrown for a loop. Now she will be competing this year! Once again she is pleased as punch, and I am being supportive. I am really so proud of her!!!
As I mentioned earlier, Q-bert decided competitive dance is not for her (at least not right now). She is the least competitive person I know, and the past two years have nearly killed her love of dance. Luckily I think she can get that love back. We have switched to a new studio because she needed a fresh start, and I think it will be just what she needs. She has been working on choreographing a lyrical dance, and I must say it is beautiful. When it is finished we plan to help her find opportunities to perform it. She is also taking theater again this year which she is so excited about. She took it once, but her dance schedule prohibited her from ever taking it again until now. She will have several of her best friends in the class with her too. Her last activity will be at the library. They are hosting something called "Tween Scene". It is programming specifically designed for her age group. They will alternate between gaming (which she isn't sure she wants to do), crafts, writing workshops, and book club. I am not sure if she is going to like it because her favorite librarian left, but she is ready to try it.
That leaves our homeschool group...
I am not sure you would call what we have a "group". It is more of a collection of somewhat like-minded individuals who get together sometimes. Is that vague enough? My plan is to schedule some type of field trip every week, and anyone who wants to come is welcome. We are also bringing in an art teacher, a dance teacher, and possibly a Spanish teacher once a month. I am going to run a book club for the older kids too. The cool thing is that everything is ala carte. The group will not be an all or nothing endeavor. You want to come on a field trip; great, join us. Art isn't your thing; no problem, we'll see you at book club. I think that one of the problems last was that we tried to make sure every opportunity was open and enticing to every person. This year, if you want to do something, plan it and invite the rest of us. Those who want to do it will; those who don't want to won't. We don't have to do everything as a giant mass of people. At least that is my theory. We will see how it goes.
So that is where we are at. As I say every fall, my plan is to blog more regularly. I even made it look pretty to entice myself. Once again, we will see how it goes.
As for my great relaxing summer... well, that didn't exactly happen. Bear got asked again to be on team at her gym, and this time she was begging me to let her. I was so excited when Q-bert decided to quit competitive dance that I almost cried at the prospect of another competitive sport. Still, I couldn't crush her little dreams, and so we spent the summer at the gym. She was on the pre-team so she only had to practice 10 hours per week spread over 3 days. Yeah, I said only. As you move up through the levels the girls practice more and more; eventually, they practice for over 20 hours a week!
She loves it, and although I thought it was an awfully big time commitment, Bear was begging for more. She spent her free time doing flips on our trampoline and practicing her vault on my couch. Towards the end of the summer they decided to move her up. This was a great honor, but since we were expecting her to be on pre-team for a whole year I was thrown for a loop. Now she will be competing this year! Once again she is pleased as punch, and I am being supportive. I am really so proud of her!!!
As I mentioned earlier, Q-bert decided competitive dance is not for her (at least not right now). She is the least competitive person I know, and the past two years have nearly killed her love of dance. Luckily I think she can get that love back. We have switched to a new studio because she needed a fresh start, and I think it will be just what she needs. She has been working on choreographing a lyrical dance, and I must say it is beautiful. When it is finished we plan to help her find opportunities to perform it. She is also taking theater again this year which she is so excited about. She took it once, but her dance schedule prohibited her from ever taking it again until now. She will have several of her best friends in the class with her too. Her last activity will be at the library. They are hosting something called "Tween Scene". It is programming specifically designed for her age group. They will alternate between gaming (which she isn't sure she wants to do), crafts, writing workshops, and book club. I am not sure if she is going to like it because her favorite librarian left, but she is ready to try it.
That leaves our homeschool group...
I am not sure you would call what we have a "group". It is more of a collection of somewhat like-minded individuals who get together sometimes. Is that vague enough? My plan is to schedule some type of field trip every week, and anyone who wants to come is welcome. We are also bringing in an art teacher, a dance teacher, and possibly a Spanish teacher once a month. I am going to run a book club for the older kids too. The cool thing is that everything is ala carte. The group will not be an all or nothing endeavor. You want to come on a field trip; great, join us. Art isn't your thing; no problem, we'll see you at book club. I think that one of the problems last was that we tried to make sure every opportunity was open and enticing to every person. This year, if you want to do something, plan it and invite the rest of us. Those who want to do it will; those who don't want to won't. We don't have to do everything as a giant mass of people. At least that is my theory. We will see how it goes.
So that is where we are at. As I say every fall, my plan is to blog more regularly. I even made it look pretty to entice myself. Once again, we will see how it goes.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Clean Slate
There is nothing like spending a bit of time in rural Iowa to clear your head. After a long car ride or two and some quality time away from home I have realized what my dear Hubbie has been drilling into my head for the past few months. People and events that lead to me feeing bad about things I cannot change need to be cut loose. So with that in mind I am turning over a new leaf. I have never been a person who worried too much about what others think of me. It might the because in my life I have been both the outcast and the cool kid, and I know that in both cases I was still just me. So I have no idea why I let the events of the past few months get under my skin the way they have. I guess someone calling me mean is my kryptonite. Still within my heart I know I have not been mean. I feel comfortable with my actions. If others don't then that is no longer my problem. That is not to say I won't accept criticism. Obviously if someone talks to me about something specific that I did or said that offended them or upset them I will try it work it out. However, there is no defense against the general "you are mean" or "you ignored me" attack. Therefore, I refuse to even acknowledge those attacks. From here on out I am only ready to work with people who want resolution.
So now that I have that off my chest I need to move forward with my life. As I have mentioned our homeschooling is evolving. That means our needs are changing. My goal is to figure out what those needs are and what I need to do to fill those needs. That may include recruiting more members for our homeschool group. It may include joining a different group, or it may even include starting over. The only thing I am certain about is that if I want something different than I have now I am going to have to work for it. Actually I feel like just writing that down lifts the fog I have been under, and dare I say it... I feel excited for the adventure!
So now that I have that off my chest I need to move forward with my life. As I have mentioned our homeschooling is evolving. That means our needs are changing. My goal is to figure out what those needs are and what I need to do to fill those needs. That may include recruiting more members for our homeschool group. It may include joining a different group, or it may even include starting over. The only thing I am certain about is that if I want something different than I have now I am going to have to work for it. Actually I feel like just writing that down lifts the fog I have been under, and dare I say it... I feel excited for the adventure!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I am sad...
I have tried to sleep... it isn't working
I have tried yoga... I can't even breathe right let alone do a pose
I have tried thinking... it just makes my head hurt
I guess the last resort is to type...
I need to remember that the world's happiness is not mine to give or take away. Only my own happiness is mine. I have many reasons to be happy...
My amazing marriage. In less than a month we will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary. He knows exactly how to help me through any problem. He understands when I need to be left alone; he knows when I need a hug; he knows when I need a devil's advocate. He just knows...
My beautiful daughters. Even on days when I feel at my wits end they will do something or say something that makes me smile. Q-bert is so loving and empathetic. Even her little neurosis make me love her more. Bear, my little ball of energy, the way she looks at world from an entirely different angle makes me adore her.
My parents. I am lucky enough to really know my parents as an adult. I love the relationship they have with my kids. They show me respect and give me praise when I need it even now. My Mom still gives me great advice on a regular basis. The cool thing is that she takes advice from me too. I could count on my Dad for anything. I have no doubt he would give up his life to save me or my kids in a heartbeat.
My in-laws. As I listen to others talk about their in-laws I realize how lucky I am. My in-laws come to my house and are appreciative, not demanding. Even though many of our life choices confuse them or even upset them, they don't jab at me about them. They love my kids.
Extended family. Although I do not see my extended family weekly or even monthly, I do see them several times per year. It is always comfortable. I love it that my kids know their third cousins and great uncles and great aunts.
A couple of great friends. I am not the person to let large numbers of people into my inner circle. Maybe it's because I have such great family ties, but I do have a small number of people to share with. Some I have known for a long time; some I have known for a relatively short time. It is nice to have people who I can just sit and chat with (or be quiet with) and feel good.
A wide circle of close aquaintances. I move in a lot of different circles, and it's nice to know that almost everywhere I go I have someone who will say hello. I am not always the best about meeting new people, but I have ventured out enough that, at least for now, I can feel comfortable in the places I frequent.
So as I read back over the list I realize I have nothing to be sad about really... I wish I could believe me.
Despair is the conclusion of fools.
-Beaconsfield
I have tried yoga... I can't even breathe right let alone do a pose
I have tried thinking... it just makes my head hurt
I guess the last resort is to type...
I need to remember that the world's happiness is not mine to give or take away. Only my own happiness is mine. I have many reasons to be happy...
My amazing marriage. In less than a month we will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary. He knows exactly how to help me through any problem. He understands when I need to be left alone; he knows when I need a hug; he knows when I need a devil's advocate. He just knows...
My beautiful daughters. Even on days when I feel at my wits end they will do something or say something that makes me smile. Q-bert is so loving and empathetic. Even her little neurosis make me love her more. Bear, my little ball of energy, the way she looks at world from an entirely different angle makes me adore her.
My parents. I am lucky enough to really know my parents as an adult. I love the relationship they have with my kids. They show me respect and give me praise when I need it even now. My Mom still gives me great advice on a regular basis. The cool thing is that she takes advice from me too. I could count on my Dad for anything. I have no doubt he would give up his life to save me or my kids in a heartbeat.
My in-laws. As I listen to others talk about their in-laws I realize how lucky I am. My in-laws come to my house and are appreciative, not demanding. Even though many of our life choices confuse them or even upset them, they don't jab at me about them. They love my kids.
Extended family. Although I do not see my extended family weekly or even monthly, I do see them several times per year. It is always comfortable. I love it that my kids know their third cousins and great uncles and great aunts.
A couple of great friends. I am not the person to let large numbers of people into my inner circle. Maybe it's because I have such great family ties, but I do have a small number of people to share with. Some I have known for a long time; some I have known for a relatively short time. It is nice to have people who I can just sit and chat with (or be quiet with) and feel good.
A wide circle of close aquaintances. I move in a lot of different circles, and it's nice to know that almost everywhere I go I have someone who will say hello. I am not always the best about meeting new people, but I have ventured out enough that, at least for now, I can feel comfortable in the places I frequent.
So as I read back over the list I realize I have nothing to be sad about really... I wish I could believe me.
Despair is the conclusion of fools.
-Beaconsfield
Friday, May 7, 2010
Big Changes are on the Way
I recently discovered that I have MANY blog posts started that I never finish. I though I would try to finish some of them...
"Big changes are on the way" That's what my last fortune cookie said. Not that I put a lot of stock in that sort of thing, but in this case I really feel that I am on the edge of something new. The weird thing is that I am having trouble figuring out exactly what need changing and how...
I started that post abut a month ago. I guess some of the the changes have been revealed to me (some have thrust themselves upon me). The good news is that I know that every ending is just a new beginning. I know that it is ok to feel sad that something is over, but when I look in my heart I know it is for the best. I know I should be grateful for the lessons I have learned from these experiences. I know that I should be as excited about the future as I am sad about the past...
Part of me is just lazy because I know that applying these lessons will be a lot of work. No one said that getting what I wanted would be easy... Wish me luck!!!
"Big changes are on the way" That's what my last fortune cookie said. Not that I put a lot of stock in that sort of thing, but in this case I really feel that I am on the edge of something new. The weird thing is that I am having trouble figuring out exactly what need changing and how...
I started that post abut a month ago. I guess some of the the changes have been revealed to me (some have thrust themselves upon me). The good news is that I know that every ending is just a new beginning. I know that it is ok to feel sad that something is over, but when I look in my heart I know it is for the best. I know I should be grateful for the lessons I have learned from these experiences. I know that I should be as excited about the future as I am sad about the past...
Part of me is just lazy because I know that applying these lessons will be a lot of work. No one said that getting what I wanted would be easy... Wish me luck!!!
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