Last year I really didn't make resolutions. My Gramps had just passed away, and that seemed to be a big enough change for the time being. I was never that good at resolutions anyway. I love the idea of a new start. I love the idea of self improvement. The problem has always been narrowing in on one or two important goals. The goals end up being too broad, like "I will eat healthier." Still, if I narrow it down to one thing, like exercise for 20 minutes every day, I feel like there are so many more little changes I should be making. So for 2011 I am doing things s bit differently. I came up with 4 big themes that need attending to. Then I made manageable goals within those themes. As it turns out I have 12 goals; which means I can focus on one per month. I am very hopeful that this will allow me to make many small changes that can make my life better. Here they are:
1. Nurture my family relationships
* More field trips
* Delegate more
* More one on one time with each of my family members
2. Nurture my soul
* Slow down
* Practice thankfulness
* Meditation
3.Nurture my relationship with the world
* Write more
* Volunteer regularly
* Reduce clutter
4. Nurture my body
* Serve at least one vegetarian meal per week
* Start a maintainable exercise program
* Spend at least 10 minutes outside each day
I have a general outline of the order I will approach these goals, but I will be flexible. Each month I will dedicated a post to explain the goal's importance to me as well as the specific way I will accomplish it.
So that's the plan, and you know how much I like plans :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I'm Not Cut Out to be a Gym Mom
So much of my life lately revolves around the kids activities, and since Bear is so involved in gymnastics that means I am involved in gymnastics. Her first competition is coming up fast, and I have to say that although she is fairly calm, I think my nerves are getting the best of me. It is SO easy to get caught up in the drama that seems to surround any organized kids' activity, and although I consider myself a rational person I find myself struggling with this.
One such drama unfolded in Bear's class on Tuesday. There is one other girl who is Bear's age on the level 4 team. She struggles on nearly every event partially because she seems to have more fear than most of the other girls. I think she took a nasty fall off the high beam over the summer and that is when much of the trouble began. Well, on Tuesday they did their normal warm-ups and then went to practice round off flip flops on the floor (a skill necessary for their floor routine). This girl, we'll call her Allie, did the round off, but then would stop and refuse to attempt the flip flop. This skill has been inconsistent for her, and for some reason she wasn't feeling it. For some reason the coaches decided that it was necessary for her to do it on the floor that day. Of course, they knew that she was totally capable of doing it. In fact on the slightly thicker mat, she was doing some of the best flip flops I have ever seen her do, but she still wouldn't even attempt it on the floor. So as her teammates moved from floor to bars, Allie stayed on floor to practice her round off flip flop. She stayed there for 1 1/2 hours. Finally when her team was ready to move on to beam, the coaches had her get her coat and they called her Dad. She had to sit on the floor next to the beams while her teammates practiced and wait for her Dad. My heart was breaking for her. Ever once in a while tears would start streaming down her face. Remember this girl is not quite 7 years old. Finally her Dad got there, and one of the coaches went to explain what was going on. She had Allie show him her flip flop on the thick mat, and then her talked to her for a long time. You could tel that he was being firm with her, but he didn't yell or even look mean. When he was done talking she walked over to the floor and was able to do a very passable round off flip flop. Over the next 20 minutes she did dozens more on the floor. I watched in amazement asking over and over in my head, "Do the ends justify the means?" Obviously Allie just had a mental block with regards to the flip flop. I would never have believed that the tactic they used would result n her doing the flip flop that night. I really don't know that I could or would ever do what Allie's Dad did. Is it my job to back up the coaches even when they do something that makes my heart cry out for my kid? If so I am not sure I can cut it in this sport...
We had our "new to competition" orientation last night. Most of the info I already knew because I am a crazy person and have scoured the internet for information about gymnastics competition. Hair has to be secured in a neat bun, no make-up, no jewelry, sparkly (but not too sparkly) hair... It all seems so crazy, but after my time as a dance Mom I at least have a bit of a handle on that part of it. I didn't know about the "velvet rope". Apparently after you register your child at the meet you send her to her coaches on the competition floor. Once she crosses the velvet rope you are not allowed to go to her NO MATTER WHAT. So if she is scared and crying, the coaches will handle it. If she suddenly gets sick, the coaches will handle it. If she falls on an event and breaks something (unlikely at level 4), the coaches will handle it. This is a bit of a difficulty for me. I never trust anyone to "handle" things when it comes to my kids in any situation. Just trusting the coaches to handle whatever comes up is something I may not be cut out for.
Bear keeps alternating between nervousness about her first meet and unbridled excitement. One of her bar skills is a bit inconsistent, and so she is worried that she will miss it in competition. Yesterday I decided that I shouldn't assume she knows our feelings about her competitions. I told her that no matter how she scores in competition we all know that is just one day. Obviously getting a good score is fun, but the thing that makes us proud of her is her hard work and dedication every day at practice. Then I shared some info I found on he internet about the skill she was having trouble with. By the end of the talk she was beaming. Then I took her to practice where she had a great time (and was more consistent with the skill that was troubling her). Also, one of her coaches took the time to talk to me because I had mentioned Bear's nervousness. His words echoed my own feelings about competitions being just one day, and by the end of the conversation I was feeling much better.
So I guess when the time comes I will march my little girl to the velvet rope and kiss her goodbye. Then I will fight the tears as I try to navigate the stands to my place, and when she falls off the beam I will suppress my need to run to her. I may be in the stands sneaking sips of alcohol I snuck in my purse to calm my nerves, but I will do this...not because I want to or because it is easy. As I mentioned I may not be cut out to be a gym Mom, but this is what my Bear wants and I am cut out to be her Mom.
One such drama unfolded in Bear's class on Tuesday. There is one other girl who is Bear's age on the level 4 team. She struggles on nearly every event partially because she seems to have more fear than most of the other girls. I think she took a nasty fall off the high beam over the summer and that is when much of the trouble began. Well, on Tuesday they did their normal warm-ups and then went to practice round off flip flops on the floor (a skill necessary for their floor routine). This girl, we'll call her Allie, did the round off, but then would stop and refuse to attempt the flip flop. This skill has been inconsistent for her, and for some reason she wasn't feeling it. For some reason the coaches decided that it was necessary for her to do it on the floor that day. Of course, they knew that she was totally capable of doing it. In fact on the slightly thicker mat, she was doing some of the best flip flops I have ever seen her do, but she still wouldn't even attempt it on the floor. So as her teammates moved from floor to bars, Allie stayed on floor to practice her round off flip flop. She stayed there for 1 1/2 hours. Finally when her team was ready to move on to beam, the coaches had her get her coat and they called her Dad. She had to sit on the floor next to the beams while her teammates practiced and wait for her Dad. My heart was breaking for her. Ever once in a while tears would start streaming down her face. Remember this girl is not quite 7 years old. Finally her Dad got there, and one of the coaches went to explain what was going on. She had Allie show him her flip flop on the thick mat, and then her talked to her for a long time. You could tel that he was being firm with her, but he didn't yell or even look mean. When he was done talking she walked over to the floor and was able to do a very passable round off flip flop. Over the next 20 minutes she did dozens more on the floor. I watched in amazement asking over and over in my head, "Do the ends justify the means?" Obviously Allie just had a mental block with regards to the flip flop. I would never have believed that the tactic they used would result n her doing the flip flop that night. I really don't know that I could or would ever do what Allie's Dad did. Is it my job to back up the coaches even when they do something that makes my heart cry out for my kid? If so I am not sure I can cut it in this sport...
We had our "new to competition" orientation last night. Most of the info I already knew because I am a crazy person and have scoured the internet for information about gymnastics competition. Hair has to be secured in a neat bun, no make-up, no jewelry, sparkly (but not too sparkly) hair... It all seems so crazy, but after my time as a dance Mom I at least have a bit of a handle on that part of it. I didn't know about the "velvet rope". Apparently after you register your child at the meet you send her to her coaches on the competition floor. Once she crosses the velvet rope you are not allowed to go to her NO MATTER WHAT. So if she is scared and crying, the coaches will handle it. If she suddenly gets sick, the coaches will handle it. If she falls on an event and breaks something (unlikely at level 4), the coaches will handle it. This is a bit of a difficulty for me. I never trust anyone to "handle" things when it comes to my kids in any situation. Just trusting the coaches to handle whatever comes up is something I may not be cut out for.
Bear keeps alternating between nervousness about her first meet and unbridled excitement. One of her bar skills is a bit inconsistent, and so she is worried that she will miss it in competition. Yesterday I decided that I shouldn't assume she knows our feelings about her competitions. I told her that no matter how she scores in competition we all know that is just one day. Obviously getting a good score is fun, but the thing that makes us proud of her is her hard work and dedication every day at practice. Then I shared some info I found on he internet about the skill she was having trouble with. By the end of the talk she was beaming. Then I took her to practice where she had a great time (and was more consistent with the skill that was troubling her). Also, one of her coaches took the time to talk to me because I had mentioned Bear's nervousness. His words echoed my own feelings about competitions being just one day, and by the end of the conversation I was feeling much better.
So I guess when the time comes I will march my little girl to the velvet rope and kiss her goodbye. Then I will fight the tears as I try to navigate the stands to my place, and when she falls off the beam I will suppress my need to run to her. I may be in the stands sneaking sips of alcohol I snuck in my purse to calm my nerves, but I will do this...not because I want to or because it is easy. As I mentioned I may not be cut out to be a gym Mom, but this is what my Bear wants and I am cut out to be her Mom.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Time
I have so many things happening over he next 2 months. There are
1 day until Q-bert's birthday
4 days until Bear's gymnastics sleepover
5 days until Bear's birthday
6 days until their party
10 days until we go on a weekend trip
11 days until my brother and his family come into town (for a week)
14 days until my in-laws come into town
15 days until Thanksgiving
22 days until the Book Club I host
23 days until Bear's first gymnastics meet
28 days until Q-bert's play performance
32 days until our family Christmas party
33 days until Bear's gymnastics party
38 days until my Dad's birthday
40 days until our homeschool Christmas party
44 days until Christmas
And even when Christmas has come and gone it does not get better. In January Bear has 2 gymnastics meets, and we are going on a week long vacation. And it goes on and on. In fact, between now and the middle of March we have 2 weekends free.
Does this sound excessive? I doubt it is really much different than most people's calendars. I wonder how society got to this place where every spare second is filled with some other obligation...
The thing is I LOVE all this action. Sitting around at home doesn't do a lot for me, but my kids like to be home. Well, at least Bear does. When we have too many days out and about she needs a break. This is another great perk of homeschooling. Can you imagine if the kids went to school ALL DAY EVERY DAY. At least now I can tailor our days to include down time at home. Time when Bear can play legos, and Q-bert can make up dances.
I watch people dropping their kids off at the activities my kids look forward to all day, and I cannot believe the looks on some of their faces. Many of them do not look excited to be there. Some look positively exhausted. It's probably because they know that after this activity they have hours of homework to finish at home. When can they explore their own interests?
So today instead of dwelling on how many things I have on my plate, I will just be thankful that getting my kids to the bus stop on time is not one of them.
1 day until Q-bert's birthday
4 days until Bear's gymnastics sleepover
5 days until Bear's birthday
6 days until their party
10 days until we go on a weekend trip
11 days until my brother and his family come into town (for a week)
14 days until my in-laws come into town
15 days until Thanksgiving
22 days until the Book Club I host
23 days until Bear's first gymnastics meet
28 days until Q-bert's play performance
32 days until our family Christmas party
33 days until Bear's gymnastics party
38 days until my Dad's birthday
40 days until our homeschool Christmas party
44 days until Christmas
And even when Christmas has come and gone it does not get better. In January Bear has 2 gymnastics meets, and we are going on a week long vacation. And it goes on and on. In fact, between now and the middle of March we have 2 weekends free.
Does this sound excessive? I doubt it is really much different than most people's calendars. I wonder how society got to this place where every spare second is filled with some other obligation...
The thing is I LOVE all this action. Sitting around at home doesn't do a lot for me, but my kids like to be home. Well, at least Bear does. When we have too many days out and about she needs a break. This is another great perk of homeschooling. Can you imagine if the kids went to school ALL DAY EVERY DAY. At least now I can tailor our days to include down time at home. Time when Bear can play legos, and Q-bert can make up dances.
I watch people dropping their kids off at the activities my kids look forward to all day, and I cannot believe the looks on some of their faces. Many of them do not look excited to be there. Some look positively exhausted. It's probably because they know that after this activity they have hours of homework to finish at home. When can they explore their own interests?
So today instead of dwelling on how many things I have on my plate, I will just be thankful that getting my kids to the bus stop on time is not one of them.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Perfectionism
I just skimmed an article on perfectionism. It talked about how perfectionists can get paralyzed by the realization that they can't do something perfect. I originally read the article with Q-bert in mind, but as I read on it became painfully obvious that it was describing me (as a child and even now sometimes).
For example, I have been stressing over how to celebrate my husbands 40th birthday. It seems like the kind of thing that needed the perfect celebration, but he kept saying he didn't really want a big party. To make things more difficult his birthday is in our busiest time of year (more about that later). So trying to schedule things with friends was nearly impossible. I had lots of ideas, but none of them were panning out. So I kind of gave up... Not really, but I did decide to just forget about it for a while. Of course, that is difficult for me, so instead I tried to distract myself by figuring out what else was on my very busy schedule.
Fall used to be my favorite season. The weather is not too hot, not too cold. Everywhere you look there are beautiful things to look at. The farm stands are full of delicious apples and other fall fruits and veggies. Fall food is so comforting. It is the perfect time for a bonfire which in my estimation is the most perfect form of socializing. The problem is that, other than myself, everyone in my household has a birthday in the fall. Kids want Halloween costumes. I have to start Christmas shopping on Oct. Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday to host. Add to that all the "grown-up" chores associated with fall, and now you have a season that I almost dread.
So as I made my list of chores (other than my dear husband's birthday) that needed doing I got more and more unhappy. It became more and more obvious that there was no way to complete all these things perfectly. So I did what any self respecting person would do... I threw away the list, and did something else. I needed to feel productive so I painted my foyer and hallway. Never mind that those things weren't even on the list. Never mind that those things could have waited, and those things created other things that maybe couldn't wait and therefore had to be added to the list.
Truth is, the rooms look great, and getting them done jump started me. Completing one thing to my specifications allowed me to have the confidence to try the other things on my list. I didn't start with the birthday party because I wasn't ready for that yet. I made a list of the appointments that I needed to make. I called and made those. As I was listening to the elevator music on one of those calls the perfect birthday plan came to me. So I was able to make it happen.
So although the article I read was bagging on perfectionism as some sort of disability I think in most cases (if approached properly) it is a great thing. Other people would have settled for half of their birthday plan working out, and that would have been ok, but this is going to be PERFECT :-)
For example, I have been stressing over how to celebrate my husbands 40th birthday. It seems like the kind of thing that needed the perfect celebration, but he kept saying he didn't really want a big party. To make things more difficult his birthday is in our busiest time of year (more about that later). So trying to schedule things with friends was nearly impossible. I had lots of ideas, but none of them were panning out. So I kind of gave up... Not really, but I did decide to just forget about it for a while. Of course, that is difficult for me, so instead I tried to distract myself by figuring out what else was on my very busy schedule.
Fall used to be my favorite season. The weather is not too hot, not too cold. Everywhere you look there are beautiful things to look at. The farm stands are full of delicious apples and other fall fruits and veggies. Fall food is so comforting. It is the perfect time for a bonfire which in my estimation is the most perfect form of socializing. The problem is that, other than myself, everyone in my household has a birthday in the fall. Kids want Halloween costumes. I have to start Christmas shopping on Oct. Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday to host. Add to that all the "grown-up" chores associated with fall, and now you have a season that I almost dread.
So as I made my list of chores (other than my dear husband's birthday) that needed doing I got more and more unhappy. It became more and more obvious that there was no way to complete all these things perfectly. So I did what any self respecting person would do... I threw away the list, and did something else. I needed to feel productive so I painted my foyer and hallway. Never mind that those things weren't even on the list. Never mind that those things could have waited, and those things created other things that maybe couldn't wait and therefore had to be added to the list.
Truth is, the rooms look great, and getting them done jump started me. Completing one thing to my specifications allowed me to have the confidence to try the other things on my list. I didn't start with the birthday party because I wasn't ready for that yet. I made a list of the appointments that I needed to make. I called and made those. As I was listening to the elevator music on one of those calls the perfect birthday plan came to me. So I was able to make it happen.
So although the article I read was bagging on perfectionism as some sort of disability I think in most cases (if approached properly) it is a great thing. Other people would have settled for half of their birthday plan working out, and that would have been ok, but this is going to be PERFECT :-)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Starbucks
I know that spending $2.50 for a green iced tea is nuts. Even worse is spending $5 for a latte that contains as many calories as I should eat for the day. Still I am a Starbucks fan. My favorite thing to do is pack up the kids and head off to "do school" at Starbucks.
That is where we are right now. It feels so nice to sit here sipping a latte while the kids do their work. I justify it as a great educational experience. When they do their work at home it is quiet. There are no real distractions. Mostly that is good. It allows them to focus fully, but I do worry that they will not know how to stay on track without total calm. So a day at Starbucks is a great opportunity to learn to drown out extraneous stimuli.
The problem is that I am not always able to stay focused. I swear that if I was a kid today they would medicate me in a heartbeat. I have trouble remembering why I entered a room sometimes. So sitting at Starbucks and trying to teach is a bit of a challenge for me. Luckily, at least for today, the girls work is all review. So for now I am a woman at leisure to people watch.
That is where we are right now. It feels so nice to sit here sipping a latte while the kids do their work. I justify it as a great educational experience. When they do their work at home it is quiet. There are no real distractions. Mostly that is good. It allows them to focus fully, but I do worry that they will not know how to stay on track without total calm. So a day at Starbucks is a great opportunity to learn to drown out extraneous stimuli.
The problem is that I am not always able to stay focused. I swear that if I was a kid today they would medicate me in a heartbeat. I have trouble remembering why I entered a room sometimes. So sitting at Starbucks and trying to teach is a bit of a challenge for me. Luckily, at least for today, the girls work is all review. So for now I am a woman at leisure to people watch.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Alone Time
One thing homeschooling moms lack is alone time. While all my public school friends have roughly 1200 hours to themselves each year I feel lucky to get 2 minutes alone to use the bathroom. It never fails that as soon as I disappear to change loads of laundry or god forbid take a shower, someone comes looking for me. I can only guess that they are afraid that I have hidden a giant stash of oreos behind the washing machine, and that I keep a ziplock baggies full of pudding in the shower drain. Of course they are mistaken. Those things are actually hidden under my bed...
Obviously this leads to me sometimes crave solitude like a fat man craves a big mac. I dream of visiting a coffee shop and sitting there as a lady of leisure with a book for hours. I imagine myself walking around a shopping mall without anyone begging for to go to the Disney store. I'd settle for a moment on the toilet without anyone knocking on the door.
There are those rare moments when I catch a break, and the kids are gone to a sleepover or playdate. On those days you would expect me to be in heaven, and it is nice to get up in the morning and not be climbed on immediately. Still the way I feel on those days makes me wonder if I have forgotten how to be alone. For example, this morning my kids are at Gramma's house. When I awoke at 6:00 I got out of bed because that is usually the only alone time I get, but then I realized that I would be alone for a few hours today. I considered going back to bed, but it was too late. I was wide awake by then. I spent the next hour trying to decide what to do with my time. It was like the freedom paralyzed me. Finally I settled on blogging, but now that I am nearly done I am faced with the same dilemma. Usually all of my time is devoted to what I have to do; so that I am not able to decide what I want to do when the opportunity to choose presents itself. Maybe I'll go back to bed...
Obviously this leads to me sometimes crave solitude like a fat man craves a big mac. I dream of visiting a coffee shop and sitting there as a lady of leisure with a book for hours. I imagine myself walking around a shopping mall without anyone begging for to go to the Disney store. I'd settle for a moment on the toilet without anyone knocking on the door.
There are those rare moments when I catch a break, and the kids are gone to a sleepover or playdate. On those days you would expect me to be in heaven, and it is nice to get up in the morning and not be climbed on immediately. Still the way I feel on those days makes me wonder if I have forgotten how to be alone. For example, this morning my kids are at Gramma's house. When I awoke at 6:00 I got out of bed because that is usually the only alone time I get, but then I realized that I would be alone for a few hours today. I considered going back to bed, but it was too late. I was wide awake by then. I spent the next hour trying to decide what to do with my time. It was like the freedom paralyzed me. Finally I settled on blogging, but now that I am nearly done I am faced with the same dilemma. Usually all of my time is devoted to what I have to do; so that I am not able to decide what I want to do when the opportunity to choose presents itself. Maybe I'll go back to bed...
Monday, August 30, 2010
Every Burden is a Blessing
That is what Q-bert's fortune cookie said last night, and I thought it was a perfect end to yesterday.
My Dad is a car fanatic. Seriously! I mean he comes from a family all with their own addictions, and cars are his. He owns a car restoration shop. He spends several nights a week going to cruise nights around town, and he spends nearly every weekend at a car show. So you can imagine his summers are just a giant string of car related experiences. For him they all lead up to HIS car show. He belongs to a group of other car addicts, and every summer around this time of year they host their own car show. When it started I was fairly involved with helping in many different ways (making flyers, assembling goodie bags, helping the photographer, etc.) All that changed when I had kids. They took up a lot of my time, and so I couldn't really devote any time to the car show. Until this year...
I really wanted to say NO when my Dad asked, but he never says no when I ask him for something, and so I nodded. What he was asking was kind of huge. The man who runs the photography booth at the car show was not able to do it this year, and so my Dad wanted me to do it. He gave me plenty of notice, and so I had plenty of time to dread it. And dread it I did. Every once in a while it would creep into my mind, and my stomach would tie itself into knots. It had been so long since I had even helped out at the photo booth. My only memories were of dealing with exceptionally picky car buffs. Also, the man who normally runs the booth is extremely disorganized, and I remember it being very hard to keep everything straight. So as the summer pressed on I kept praying for rain!
As it turns out my fears were totally unfounded. Thanks to my husband the tech guru organizing the picture files was a piece of cake. I also had a moment of brilliance in organizing the preview sheets. Plus, my uncle stepped up and ran the customer side of things so perfectly that I had no worries at all. Also, the picture quality was great which led to many satisfied customers. In fact, the only problem at all was that the humidity kept the pictures from drying as quickly as we would have liked. We made more money than I was expecting too; and my dear husband, who worked every bit as hard as I did, gave me all the profits to use on our house.
My Dad is a car fanatic. Seriously! I mean he comes from a family all with their own addictions, and cars are his. He owns a car restoration shop. He spends several nights a week going to cruise nights around town, and he spends nearly every weekend at a car show. So you can imagine his summers are just a giant string of car related experiences. For him they all lead up to HIS car show. He belongs to a group of other car addicts, and every summer around this time of year they host their own car show. When it started I was fairly involved with helping in many different ways (making flyers, assembling goodie bags, helping the photographer, etc.) All that changed when I had kids. They took up a lot of my time, and so I couldn't really devote any time to the car show. Until this year...
I really wanted to say NO when my Dad asked, but he never says no when I ask him for something, and so I nodded. What he was asking was kind of huge. The man who runs the photography booth at the car show was not able to do it this year, and so my Dad wanted me to do it. He gave me plenty of notice, and so I had plenty of time to dread it. And dread it I did. Every once in a while it would creep into my mind, and my stomach would tie itself into knots. It had been so long since I had even helped out at the photo booth. My only memories were of dealing with exceptionally picky car buffs. Also, the man who normally runs the booth is extremely disorganized, and I remember it being very hard to keep everything straight. So as the summer pressed on I kept praying for rain!
As it turns out my fears were totally unfounded. Thanks to my husband the tech guru organizing the picture files was a piece of cake. I also had a moment of brilliance in organizing the preview sheets. Plus, my uncle stepped up and ran the customer side of things so perfectly that I had no worries at all. Also, the picture quality was great which led to many satisfied customers. In fact, the only problem at all was that the humidity kept the pictures from drying as quickly as we would have liked. We made more money than I was expecting too; and my dear husband, who worked every bit as hard as I did, gave me all the profits to use on our house.
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